Wednesday, June 29, 2011
He Said, We Said - Vexed by the Ex!
Dear Rissey and Nisey,
So my girlfriend and I have been dating for about a month and two weeks. Her long distance ex-boyfriend of nine months is having trouble letting go and keeps texting her asking her to take him back. She tells him no and that she is happy with me. They got into a fight the other day over text and now she is kind of depressed. What should I do?
Signed
Vexed by the Ex
Dear Vexed by the Ex,
You've been together for one and one half WHOLE months? Wow! Honey, I hate to break it to you but the time you've been together equates to the less than a proverbial "hot minute." You don't have a girlfriend. You are DATING. There's a huge difference. You're both still in the performance stage, which is when you both trying to put on your best faces. Now, if her face is still droopy over another man, then you've got trouble with a capital "T."
The relationship is way too new for commitment, particularly for a woman who was in a 9-month relationship before you came along. I think you've got three doors to choose from and you need to make the best decision for you. Door #1: Take a time out and let her figure out why she's down in the mouth over a relationship that already went south. Door #2: Redefine your relationship so that you both understand that you're just dating and that you will commit to one another when you get to know one another better. Or Door #3: Save yourself all the unnecessary drama and dump the bitch. Get off the short bus and kick her to the proverbial curb and find someone that isn't hung up on someone else. Life is too short and apparently so is her attention span.
Nisey and I vote for Door #3!
If you have a life or relationship problem that you would like Rissey and Nisey to address, please send us an email to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com.
So my girlfriend and I have been dating for about a month and two weeks. Her long distance ex-boyfriend of nine months is having trouble letting go and keeps texting her asking her to take him back. She tells him no and that she is happy with me. They got into a fight the other day over text and now she is kind of depressed. What should I do?
Signed
Vexed by the Ex
Dear Vexed by the Ex,
You've been together for one and one half WHOLE months? Wow! Honey, I hate to break it to you but the time you've been together equates to the less than a proverbial "hot minute." You don't have a girlfriend. You are DATING. There's a huge difference. You're both still in the performance stage, which is when you both trying to put on your best faces. Now, if her face is still droopy over another man, then you've got trouble with a capital "T."
The relationship is way too new for commitment, particularly for a woman who was in a 9-month relationship before you came along. I think you've got three doors to choose from and you need to make the best decision for you. Door #1: Take a time out and let her figure out why she's down in the mouth over a relationship that already went south. Door #2: Redefine your relationship so that you both understand that you're just dating and that you will commit to one another when you get to know one another better. Or Door #3: Save yourself all the unnecessary drama and dump the bitch. Get off the short bus and kick her to the proverbial curb and find someone that isn't hung up on someone else. Life is too short and apparently so is her attention span.
Nisey and I vote for Door #3!
If you have a life or relationship problem that you would like Rissey and Nisey to address, please send us an email to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Are You A Bum Magnet? 5 Signs to Help You Reveal Your Ugly Truth
It's an ugly truth, isn't it? Who wants to admit they're a bum magnet? Nobody. It's bad enough having to admit you're wrong ONCE. Most folks don't want to admit they are wrong over and over and over again. Just doesn't happen. But I promise you, you aren't fooling anybody but yourself. Because everybody else in your life knows you're a bum magnet except you. The proof is in the pudding, based on the fact that you haven't been able to sustain a long-term healthy relationship pretty much...ever. You try. YOUR heart's in the right place. You just run through men (women) like Kim Kardashian.
Well, it's time to confess. Although, you don't have to confess it to me.
As the author of The Bum Magnet, I'm often asked about whether the story is based on my life experiences. It's usually the first question folks ask in an author interview. Never ceases to amaze me of just how many ways I've learned to lie. To conceal my "hidden" shame. Only it's not as hidden as I think because the first question my friends and family asked when I told them I was writing a book called the bum magnet was "Is it an autobiography?"
So, the truth is. Yeah, there are pieces of truth from my life in the book...dammit. And yes, I have had issues in my life that impact my relationships with men. And yes, I was as much or more of the problem than the men were.
Let's face it. You can only blame the other person so much. At some point, you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Why are you so eff'ed up???"
I can say with some honesty that most of the men in my life have been God-fearing to some degree, had decent spirits, but they were usually all wrong for me and I almost always knew it within the first weeks, if not days, of meeting them. Yet I dated them anyway.
So you ask how could an intelligent, successful woman spend the better half of her life dating men who she knew was wrong for her from the jump? Because it's what bum magnets do. You subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) choose people you know will be toxic. And I happen to believe there are multiple reasons why.
1. Houdini Daddy. Your father disappeared from your life at a young age and you've never had a positive role model to demonstrate how a man who genuinely loves you is supposed to treat you. You develop warped senses of what kind of treatment is acceptable...and then you accept it because you just don't know better.
2. Trust is Bust. An influential person (or people) in your life who you placed your trust in violated that trust and the pain from that violation caused you to self-protect. You fear commitment and only date people you know from the jump you'll never be vulnerable to because you're not open to trusting anyone from the beginning.
3. I'm not worthy. We have a low self-esteem and a skewed sense of self worth. Let's face it. Women who value their time, their talents, and their worth don't tolerate bullshit. So they certainly aren't gonna tolerate it over and over and over again. They have better things to do with their time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me six times, I'm a bum magnet.
4. Who me? Most bum magnets repeat the same dumb ass patterns because you're floating blissfully on the river of denial. You can spot the flaw in everyone except yourself. If Jesus walked in a room with you and nine of your friends and family and asked, "Who among you is a bum magnet?", you'd be the one looking over your shoulder, up at the sky, down at the floor, at your neighbor on each side. Meanwhile, nine sets of eyes would be peeled on you.
5. He'll Change. You believe your partner or spouse will love you enough to become the person we need them to be to make you happy. The problem is that you're not the person you need to be in order to realize true happiness regardless of what he does, likely because of one of the four issues stated above. You'll never find happiness until you expose and deal with the root cause of your unhappiness.
It's not him. It's you.
Time to ride that short bus out of the state of denial. Own your problem so you can expose your ugly truths and begin to build healthier and happier relationships.
Got a question for Rissey & Nisey? Send it to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com.
Well, it's time to confess. Although, you don't have to confess it to me.
As the author of The Bum Magnet, I'm often asked about whether the story is based on my life experiences. It's usually the first question folks ask in an author interview. Never ceases to amaze me of just how many ways I've learned to lie. To conceal my "hidden" shame. Only it's not as hidden as I think because the first question my friends and family asked when I told them I was writing a book called the bum magnet was "Is it an autobiography?"
So, the truth is. Yeah, there are pieces of truth from my life in the book...dammit. And yes, I have had issues in my life that impact my relationships with men. And yes, I was as much or more of the problem than the men were.
Let's face it. You can only blame the other person so much. At some point, you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Why are you so eff'ed up???"
I can say with some honesty that most of the men in my life have been God-fearing to some degree, had decent spirits, but they were usually all wrong for me and I almost always knew it within the first weeks, if not days, of meeting them. Yet I dated them anyway.
So you ask how could an intelligent, successful woman spend the better half of her life dating men who she knew was wrong for her from the jump? Because it's what bum magnets do. You subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) choose people you know will be toxic. And I happen to believe there are multiple reasons why.
1. Houdini Daddy. Your father disappeared from your life at a young age and you've never had a positive role model to demonstrate how a man who genuinely loves you is supposed to treat you. You develop warped senses of what kind of treatment is acceptable...and then you accept it because you just don't know better.
2. Trust is Bust. An influential person (or people) in your life who you placed your trust in violated that trust and the pain from that violation caused you to self-protect. You fear commitment and only date people you know from the jump you'll never be vulnerable to because you're not open to trusting anyone from the beginning.
3. I'm not worthy. We have a low self-esteem and a skewed sense of self worth. Let's face it. Women who value their time, their talents, and their worth don't tolerate bullshit. So they certainly aren't gonna tolerate it over and over and over again. They have better things to do with their time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me six times, I'm a bum magnet.
4. Who me? Most bum magnets repeat the same dumb ass patterns because you're floating blissfully on the river of denial. You can spot the flaw in everyone except yourself. If Jesus walked in a room with you and nine of your friends and family and asked, "Who among you is a bum magnet?", you'd be the one looking over your shoulder, up at the sky, down at the floor, at your neighbor on each side. Meanwhile, nine sets of eyes would be peeled on you.
5. He'll Change. You believe your partner or spouse will love you enough to become the person we need them to be to make you happy. The problem is that you're not the person you need to be in order to realize true happiness regardless of what he does, likely because of one of the four issues stated above. You'll never find happiness until you expose and deal with the root cause of your unhappiness.
It's not him. It's you.
Time to ride that short bus out of the state of denial. Own your problem so you can expose your ugly truths and begin to build healthier and happier relationships.
Got a question for Rissey & Nisey? Send it to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The Bum Magnet on Blogspot - Relaunched
Hello Everybody!
Welcome back to The Bum Magnet. I'm author K. L. Brady, the author of the book of the same name.
After forty-plus years of getting love wrong, feeling like I was permanently stuck on love's short bus, I thought I might have a thing or two to convey about my own mistakes that could help others work through theirs.
I'm no relationship expert, simply a woman in progress.
When I first started this blog, I had envisioned creating a place where I could offer some sage, down-home sistagirl advice to people, particularly women, on how to determine--in your own life--when you're repeating bad patterns and how to possibly begin moving in the right direction.
At the time, I had self-published my novel and was so consumed with marketing and life issues that I really let this blog go to the wayside. Well, I'm bringing the short bus back and I'm gonna do what I can to get my peops off of it. LOL Let my people go!
For those who don't know me, I offer my take on life lessons smothered in humor. Perhaps not always in a politically correct way, but EVERY word I say comes from the heart, from a genuine desire to help others move past their bad patterns as I have begun to do (FINALLY) after years of getting it wrong.
Beginning next Monday, I'll begin posting regular features on relationships, getting them wrong, and how to get them right. Charisse and Denise (Rissey and Nisey) really own this spot. Most posts will come from them because, quite frankly, they are way funnier than I am. Other characters from the book, including the men, will make appearances periodically, as necessary, because it's important to see things from a male point of view. And I do have male consultants to offer their assistance when I need to attack issues from a male's perspective.
On Mondays, I'll post an article, written by yours truly, that will offer tips and advice on addressing a love, life, or relationship issue.
On Wednesdays, I'll host the He/She Said, We Said segment, in which Nissey and Rissey will answer letters from followers or lurkers about their own relationship challenges. Whether, you're single, married, in a committed relationship, a booty call, a bum magnet, whatever your problem is, send an email (anonymously if you choose) to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com and we'll address your issue to the best of our abilities.
On Thursday, Mama Tyson will offer her weekly words of wisdom--the shortest of the features. For those of you who don't know the character, she frequently mixes metaphors and in the words of her daughter, Charisse, knows how to eff up a perfectly good quote. But she does so in a way that the wisdom still finds its way through.
And depending on our schedule, Rissey, Nisey, and the other characters will discuss the topic of the week during the Short Bus Special.
So in the words of one of my favorite leading ladies, Bettye Davis, "Fasten your seat belts, it's gonna be a bumpy night."
Getting off the love short bus is never easy, but it's sure worth the try.
Welcome back to The Bum Magnet. I'm author K. L. Brady, the author of the book of the same name.
After forty-plus years of getting love wrong, feeling like I was permanently stuck on love's short bus, I thought I might have a thing or two to convey about my own mistakes that could help others work through theirs.
I'm no relationship expert, simply a woman in progress.
When I first started this blog, I had envisioned creating a place where I could offer some sage, down-home sistagirl advice to people, particularly women, on how to determine--in your own life--when you're repeating bad patterns and how to possibly begin moving in the right direction.
At the time, I had self-published my novel and was so consumed with marketing and life issues that I really let this blog go to the wayside. Well, I'm bringing the short bus back and I'm gonna do what I can to get my peops off of it. LOL Let my people go!
For those who don't know me, I offer my take on life lessons smothered in humor. Perhaps not always in a politically correct way, but EVERY word I say comes from the heart, from a genuine desire to help others move past their bad patterns as I have begun to do (FINALLY) after years of getting it wrong.
Beginning next Monday, I'll begin posting regular features on relationships, getting them wrong, and how to get them right. Charisse and Denise (Rissey and Nisey) really own this spot. Most posts will come from them because, quite frankly, they are way funnier than I am. Other characters from the book, including the men, will make appearances periodically, as necessary, because it's important to see things from a male point of view. And I do have male consultants to offer their assistance when I need to attack issues from a male's perspective.
On Mondays, I'll post an article, written by yours truly, that will offer tips and advice on addressing a love, life, or relationship issue.
On Wednesdays, I'll host the He/She Said, We Said segment, in which Nissey and Rissey will answer letters from followers or lurkers about their own relationship challenges. Whether, you're single, married, in a committed relationship, a booty call, a bum magnet, whatever your problem is, send an email (anonymously if you choose) to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com and we'll address your issue to the best of our abilities.
On Thursday, Mama Tyson will offer her weekly words of wisdom--the shortest of the features. For those of you who don't know the character, she frequently mixes metaphors and in the words of her daughter, Charisse, knows how to eff up a perfectly good quote. But she does so in a way that the wisdom still finds its way through.
And depending on our schedule, Rissey, Nisey, and the other characters will discuss the topic of the week during the Short Bus Special.
So in the words of one of my favorite leading ladies, Bettye Davis, "Fasten your seat belts, it's gonna be a bumpy night."
Getting off the love short bus is never easy, but it's sure worth the try.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The Short Bus Special #2: She Said, We Said
Hello Readers! We have another Short Bus Special from a sister heartbroken by Mr. Fix It.
She said...
Dear Rissey and Nisey,
I’ve been dating a man for the last year. In the beginning, he was sweet, generous, and took great care of me. He’s a maintenance engineer, so he fixed everything that was broken in my house. He’d stop by to spend time with me every chance he got and spend time with me and my son. And he even took me as his date to his brother’s wedding, where I overwhelmingly received his family’s stamp of approval.
After six months, things changed A LOT. He doesn’t really help me around the house anymore. He doesn’t come over during the day. Rather, he usually comes late at night. We have sex, and he leaves the next morning. He no longer spends time with me on weekends. His calls are less frequent too. To top it off, I looked in his email account one day and found letters that he was writing to another woman and he implied that he loved her. When I confronted him, he said he and the woman were friends and that there was nothing going on between them.
I’ve spoken with him about it until I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. He “says” I’m still his “baby” but he doesn’t treat me like he used to at all. I really love this man. I know he has the capability to be a good man, but I am just not sure what has caused this change in his attitude toward me. What should I do?
Signed, Confused in Camp Springs
We said...
Dear Confused in Camp Springs,
You, indeed, are in a precarious position. Your man started out treating you as a Queen B. and now treats you like a Booty C. (call) and you don't understand why. Let us provide you with some understanding. First of all, you can never judge a man (or woman) by how they act in the first few months. It takes many months, sometimes more than a year, to see who someone really is. The beginning months of a relationship are merely a performance. Over time, when the curtain comes down and the audience goes home, that’s when you see who you’re really dealing with. When his show was over, he showed you his ass. That’s the man you’re really involved with. Get it through your head, that Prince Charming you remembered is history.
Second, if you know that he has been writing to another woman and implying that he loves her, you have another problem altogether. Even if he didn’t cheat with her physically (which we seriously doubt), he is definitely engaged in emotional cheating which would explain the distance that he’s putting between the two of you.
Get off the short bus, honey! It’s time to show “Mr. Fix It” the door and let the doorknob hit him the ass on the way out. You deserve to be more than some man’s booty call. You deserve to be with a man who saves all of his loving for you—emotional and physical. Mr. Right is just around your corner. If you keep wasting your time on this fool, you might miss him.
Rissey and Nisey
If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at RisseyandNisey@klbradywrites.com.
She said...
Dear Rissey and Nisey,
I’ve been dating a man for the last year. In the beginning, he was sweet, generous, and took great care of me. He’s a maintenance engineer, so he fixed everything that was broken in my house. He’d stop by to spend time with me every chance he got and spend time with me and my son. And he even took me as his date to his brother’s wedding, where I overwhelmingly received his family’s stamp of approval.
After six months, things changed A LOT. He doesn’t really help me around the house anymore. He doesn’t come over during the day. Rather, he usually comes late at night. We have sex, and he leaves the next morning. He no longer spends time with me on weekends. His calls are less frequent too. To top it off, I looked in his email account one day and found letters that he was writing to another woman and he implied that he loved her. When I confronted him, he said he and the woman were friends and that there was nothing going on between them.
I’ve spoken with him about it until I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. He “says” I’m still his “baby” but he doesn’t treat me like he used to at all. I really love this man. I know he has the capability to be a good man, but I am just not sure what has caused this change in his attitude toward me. What should I do?
Signed, Confused in Camp Springs
We said...
Dear Confused in Camp Springs,
You, indeed, are in a precarious position. Your man started out treating you as a Queen B. and now treats you like a Booty C. (call) and you don't understand why. Let us provide you with some understanding. First of all, you can never judge a man (or woman) by how they act in the first few months. It takes many months, sometimes more than a year, to see who someone really is. The beginning months of a relationship are merely a performance. Over time, when the curtain comes down and the audience goes home, that’s when you see who you’re really dealing with. When his show was over, he showed you his ass. That’s the man you’re really involved with. Get it through your head, that Prince Charming you remembered is history.
Second, if you know that he has been writing to another woman and implying that he loves her, you have another problem altogether. Even if he didn’t cheat with her physically (which we seriously doubt), he is definitely engaged in emotional cheating which would explain the distance that he’s putting between the two of you.
Get off the short bus, honey! It’s time to show “Mr. Fix It” the door and let the doorknob hit him the ass on the way out. You deserve to be more than some man’s booty call. You deserve to be with a man who saves all of his loving for you—emotional and physical. Mr. Right is just around your corner. If you keep wasting your time on this fool, you might miss him.
Rissey and Nisey
If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at RisseyandNisey@klbradywrites.com.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Short Bus Special: She Said, We Said
Let’s face, we all (men and women) do stupid things in relationships. Sometimes, we fail to heed the danger signs, we fail to listen to that little voice in our heads that screams “Stooooop! Don’t do that! Run! Leave!” I’m no stranger to that situation and neither is Nisey. So, we’ve decided to start our own advice column. We’ve received concerning letters from some of our wonderful readers in need of some relationship help. With their permission, Nisey and I thought it would be a great idea to share some of these letters with our audience and provide some down home sister-to-sister advice. From time to time we will post these letters under our new feature “Get Off the Short Bus Special.”
Here’s our first letter from a troubled sister with a commitment-phobic boyfriend…
She said...
Dear Rissey and Nisey,
My boyfriend and I have been living together for three and a half years. Although we’ve discussed marriage, for some reason he refuses to commit. He claims he’s happy with our life together and that he doesn’t want to be with anyone but me. He pays the bills and takes care of home and does everything a good man should do. He just refuses to get married, saying he feels we need more time to get to know one another. Every time I bring up the subject, he either gets frisky to distract me or gets angry and runs out of the house. I think three years is plenty of time to know whether someone is worth marrying.
One of my friends says I should leave him and another one says I should stop taking my birth control and that a baby will make him come around. I don’t know what to do. Am I on the short bus? If so, how can I get off?
Signed,
He’s Smitten but not Committin’
We said...
Dear Smitten’ but not Committin’
Although every relationship has its own timetable and no two are alike, I think you are right to feel concerned. Be assured that after living with this man for three years, he knows whether or not you’re marriage material. The fact that he distracts you or avoids the subject with sex or arguments does not bode well. Sounds like a bad case of “Why Buy the Cow….”
Get off the short bus, honey. Just because a man is good to you in some ways, doesn’t always mean he’s good for you. If you really feel that marriage is the kind of commitment you need, you aren’t going to find it with this man if you keep accepting the status quo. You need to leave him, short and simple. If he truly loves you and wants to spend his life with you, nothing in heaven or Earth could keep him from coming back to you and giving you the commitment that you need. If he doesn’t, c’est la vie! Move on and be thankful that you saved yourself from wasting another minute of your life with someone who was never going to give you what you needed. Lick your wounds and open your heart to receive the love you deserve.
Rissey and Nisey
If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at RisseyandNisey@klbradywrites.com.
Here’s our first letter from a troubled sister with a commitment-phobic boyfriend…
She said...
Dear Rissey and Nisey,
My boyfriend and I have been living together for three and a half years. Although we’ve discussed marriage, for some reason he refuses to commit. He claims he’s happy with our life together and that he doesn’t want to be with anyone but me. He pays the bills and takes care of home and does everything a good man should do. He just refuses to get married, saying he feels we need more time to get to know one another. Every time I bring up the subject, he either gets frisky to distract me or gets angry and runs out of the house. I think three years is plenty of time to know whether someone is worth marrying.
One of my friends says I should leave him and another one says I should stop taking my birth control and that a baby will make him come around. I don’t know what to do. Am I on the short bus? If so, how can I get off?
Signed,
He’s Smitten but not Committin’
We said...
Dear Smitten’ but not Committin’
Although every relationship has its own timetable and no two are alike, I think you are right to feel concerned. Be assured that after living with this man for three years, he knows whether or not you’re marriage material. The fact that he distracts you or avoids the subject with sex or arguments does not bode well. Sounds like a bad case of “Why Buy the Cow….”
Get off the short bus, honey. Just because a man is good to you in some ways, doesn’t always mean he’s good for you. If you really feel that marriage is the kind of commitment you need, you aren’t going to find it with this man if you keep accepting the status quo. You need to leave him, short and simple. If he truly loves you and wants to spend his life with you, nothing in heaven or Earth could keep him from coming back to you and giving you the commitment that you need. If he doesn’t, c’est la vie! Move on and be thankful that you saved yourself from wasting another minute of your life with someone who was never going to give you what you needed. Lick your wounds and open your heart to receive the love you deserve.
Rissey and Nisey
If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at RisseyandNisey@klbradywrites.com.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Is There Ever A Good Reason To Cheat?
Nisey: Well, after the last discussion got a bit out of control. Rissey and I have decided to take over the moderating responsibilities for the group. No diss to K.L. but she’s still welcome to listen in. So, today we have with us Kevin, David, and Lamar and we’re going to continue our discussions on relationships.
Rissey: That’s right! So now, let’s get back to brass tacks--whether there is ever a good reason to cheat on your spouse. I think we can all agree that cheating is wrong and anyone can justify anything in their minds. But if we really get down to the reasons that people aren’t happy in their relationships and feel the need to seek consolation outside of their relationship, some of those reasons for being unhappy are valid even though the act of cheating may not be. So, let’s talk about being unhappy and the ways in which we deal with those issues.
Lamar: Well, I’m going to speak up for the fellas and bring up the topic that we aren’t supposed to bring up and that is the topic of the old Switch-A-Roo. You know, we get engaged to one woman and we find out later on that she isn’t the person she led us to believe she is. Before we get married, she cooks. After we get married, microwaved dinners. Before marriage, she works out, keeps herself tight and together. After marriage, she lets it all go. What gym? What diet? Gimme that gallon of Ben Jerry’s and a spoon please? Before marriage sex flows like the Nile River, after marriage it drips like a leaky faucet.
Nisey: You know what? I have the right mind to—
Rissey: No, no, Nisey, let him finish. He has a right to his…opinion. Let him finish.
Lamar: As I was saying, after marriage or after we’re in a committed relationship, y’all just stop everything that makes us happy. So, we end up looking for the woman we thought we got into the relationship outside the house because she damn sure ain’t in the house, if you dig me.
Kevin: Ummmmm…David, what do you think?
David: I, uhhhh, I think that I’d like to hear what the women think.
Nisey: Don’t be scared now. I saw you over there nodding your head, David. Like you agreed with everything he said. You too Kevin. Don’t be scared now. Nuh uhh…
Rissey: I am just overwhelmed…overwhelmedwith disbelief. I mean, talk about the pot calling the kettle black??? Let’s start the discussion right there, with pots…that means POT BELLIES, from all the beer and good cookin’ you get so used to. Uh huh, before we get married we trip the light fantastic. After marriage, we trip over your feet which are firmly attached to the floor in front of the couch. If we set the couch on fire, you’d ask us to bring you a beer so you could drink half and use the other half to put the flame out, never releasing the remote control, like a damn Houdini.
Nisey: Can I get an Amen?! And how about all the little things that become non-existent? Before marriage, we got big beautiful bouquets of flowers. After marriage, the only “flower” we see comes from Pillsbury. Before marriage, if we asked you to do something around the house, you had it done before we could finish the sentence. After marriage if we ask you to do something, you do it after we finish the sentence—and repeat it 75 times. As for the sex, if it lasted longer than a drip maybe we’d be more inclined to let it flow.
Kevin: Okay, okay, let’s all calm down a minute. Obviously, we can see that there are issues on both sides, very valid issues, I might add. But the one thing we haven’t really discussed here is communication. When you feel like you’re not getting what you need, it’s time to let your partner know…but it’s really all about how you say it. If you come at him or her the wrong way, blaming the other person and not taking any responsibility, then that’s what leads folks to start looking elsewhere.
Rissey: That is a very important point Kevin. My man! Gimme a high five on that, baby.
David: True, true. Communication is the key. I think that would make a great topic for our next discussion. How do you sit down in a positive way and tell your partner something negative, like you aren’t happy with your sex life or she needs to lose weight.
Nisey: Oh, so you think I need to lose weight and the sex ain’t no good.
David: I wasn’t talking about you, baby. I was speaking figuratively.
Nisey: Well, maybe you need to “figure” out how your ass is getting home because you ain’t ridin’ with me.
Rissey: She just had a baby, David. Hormones. She’ll be alright.
David: I love you, boo.
Nisey: Ummmhmmmm. Anyway.
Kevin: Okay, so let’s make out next discussion about effective communication. Until next time…
Rissey: That’s right! So now, let’s get back to brass tacks--whether there is ever a good reason to cheat on your spouse. I think we can all agree that cheating is wrong and anyone can justify anything in their minds. But if we really get down to the reasons that people aren’t happy in their relationships and feel the need to seek consolation outside of their relationship, some of those reasons for being unhappy are valid even though the act of cheating may not be. So, let’s talk about being unhappy and the ways in which we deal with those issues.
Lamar: Well, I’m going to speak up for the fellas and bring up the topic that we aren’t supposed to bring up and that is the topic of the old Switch-A-Roo. You know, we get engaged to one woman and we find out later on that she isn’t the person she led us to believe she is. Before we get married, she cooks. After we get married, microwaved dinners. Before marriage, she works out, keeps herself tight and together. After marriage, she lets it all go. What gym? What diet? Gimme that gallon of Ben Jerry’s and a spoon please? Before marriage sex flows like the Nile River, after marriage it drips like a leaky faucet.
Nisey: You know what? I have the right mind to—
Rissey: No, no, Nisey, let him finish. He has a right to his…opinion. Let him finish.
Lamar: As I was saying, after marriage or after we’re in a committed relationship, y’all just stop everything that makes us happy. So, we end up looking for the woman we thought we got into the relationship outside the house because she damn sure ain’t in the house, if you dig me.
Kevin: Ummmmm…David, what do you think?
David: I, uhhhh, I think that I’d like to hear what the women think.
Nisey: Don’t be scared now. I saw you over there nodding your head, David. Like you agreed with everything he said. You too Kevin. Don’t be scared now. Nuh uhh…
Rissey: I am just overwhelmed…overwhelmedwith disbelief. I mean, talk about the pot calling the kettle black??? Let’s start the discussion right there, with pots…that means POT BELLIES, from all the beer and good cookin’ you get so used to. Uh huh, before we get married we trip the light fantastic. After marriage, we trip over your feet which are firmly attached to the floor in front of the couch. If we set the couch on fire, you’d ask us to bring you a beer so you could drink half and use the other half to put the flame out, never releasing the remote control, like a damn Houdini.
Nisey: Can I get an Amen?! And how about all the little things that become non-existent? Before marriage, we got big beautiful bouquets of flowers. After marriage, the only “flower” we see comes from Pillsbury. Before marriage, if we asked you to do something around the house, you had it done before we could finish the sentence. After marriage if we ask you to do something, you do it after we finish the sentence—and repeat it 75 times. As for the sex, if it lasted longer than a drip maybe we’d be more inclined to let it flow.
Kevin: Okay, okay, let’s all calm down a minute. Obviously, we can see that there are issues on both sides, very valid issues, I might add. But the one thing we haven’t really discussed here is communication. When you feel like you’re not getting what you need, it’s time to let your partner know…but it’s really all about how you say it. If you come at him or her the wrong way, blaming the other person and not taking any responsibility, then that’s what leads folks to start looking elsewhere.
Rissey: That is a very important point Kevin. My man! Gimme a high five on that, baby.
David: True, true. Communication is the key. I think that would make a great topic for our next discussion. How do you sit down in a positive way and tell your partner something negative, like you aren’t happy with your sex life or she needs to lose weight.
Nisey: Oh, so you think I need to lose weight and the sex ain’t no good.
David: I wasn’t talking about you, baby. I was speaking figuratively.
Nisey: Well, maybe you need to “figure” out how your ass is getting home because you ain’t ridin’ with me.
Rissey: She just had a baby, David. Hormones. She’ll be alright.
David: I love you, boo.
Nisey: Ummmhmmmm. Anyway.
Kevin: Okay, so let’s make out next discussion about effective communication. Until next time…
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