Blog Time Out for Shameless Self Promotion: The Bum Magnet Blog Tour and New Reviews!

Taking a VERY short timeout for shameless self promotion. If you're enjoying this blog you'll LOVE my novels The Bum Magnet and the upcoming sequel Got a Right to Be Wrong! Both are on sale now (the sequel is available for pre-order)!

Here's the latest 5 Star Review!!
Reviews by Molly: PUYB Blog Tour & Review: The Bum Magnet by K.L. Brady.: Title: The Bum Magnet Author: K.L.Brady Publisher: Simon and Schuster Release Date: March 2011 Pages: 368 Source. 5 out of 5 Book Rating!!

Want to pick up your own copies???

www.barnesandnoble.com
www.amazon.com
www.booksamillion.com

Also...I'm on tour--a Blog Tour that is! Check out my stops and learn more about the nutcase who writes this blog! :)

Beyond the Books: How I Landed a Literary Agent

Interview on the Examiner

Interview on Blog Critics

Interview on Review From Here!

Book Review at Mad Moose Mama

Book Review at Mysteries Etc.

The Story Behind the Book

More Stops Here...

We now will return to our regularly scheduled programming...

Weekly Words of Wisdom

"If I have my choice, I'll choose a break-up over a breakdown. With the former you might lose a lover, but with the latter, you might lose yourself." ~~Mama Tyson

She Said, We Said--My Boyfriend's Dating

She said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

So I was looking at the history trail on my boyfriend's laptop which I know I shouldn't really do and found he had been on sexintheuk.com. I clicked on it and he was still logged on. He has a picture of himself on there but his age his wrong he hasn't paid to be a full member. I'm guessing though because the payment screen came up.

I looked in his inbox on the site and there was two messages from girls living in a place where his friend lives, and he goes to stay with him alot! That has worried me!! It wouldn't let me view the messages though! I know that he has signed up for this recently because the picture he has on there is one of me and him that was taken at Christmas time. Obviously he has cropped me out and that hurts a lot too, that he's using a picture that was of us two! He hasn't filled in a lot of his profile but he's clicked a section on sex and discreet relationships.

I know men like to look at other women. I know they watch porn etc and I don't like it but I accept it because they are human! And I wouldn't have been too bothered about seeing this dating website if it did not have his picture on because there is a lot of porn type pics on there. I would have just figured he was looking at those but the fact that he's got his pic on there says he wants to act on meeting someone doesn't it?! I'm so upset. I love this guy more than anything in the world, we've been together three years. I'm so hurt right now, just looking for some advice! x


Signed

My Boyfriend's Trying to Date

We Said...

Dear Boyfriend's Trying to Date,

Something tells me you know the answer. Otherwise, why would you be checking the history trail in the first place, huh? You have your detective hat on, the same one women have been donning for centuries because you know in your heart something is wrong...very wrong. The problem is you're looking to answer a question you already know the answer to. And you found exactly what you were looking for!! Now the answer's in your face and the only real problem here is you just don't want to acknowledge that the man you're so deeply in love with could be a lying, cheating, S.O.B! It's one thing to window shop, and an entirely different thing to window shop with money in your pocket (i.e., set up a profile and accept emails). He's trying to make his fantasies a reality...and what's really important is he's not trying to do that with you.

Get off the love short bus honey! Time for you to crop him out of YOUR picture and find someone who loves and respects you. Respects you enough not to be hunting down other women while you're supposed to be in a committed relationship. Respects you enough to put your feelings first. Forget him and his so-called need to see a little porn. YOU DESERVE MORE!

Obviously, he has no intention of leaving...at least not yet. And if you confront him, he's gonna beg you not to leave. Give him the hand and pack your bags honey. Don't hang on because you've invested so much time and energy. Let go, and make a place for the man who will treat you right! Better to waste three years than four! Better to hurt a little bit now, then a lot for a lifetime!

If you have a relationship question you want us to discuss. Drop us a line at SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com

Weekly Words of Wisdom

The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese. Timing is everything.~Mama Tyson

Booty Call to Boyfriend: 5 Ways to Make Him Yours

-->

Mhm. Hmm. Got good to you didn’t it? He gave you everything you thought you needed. Mind-blowing sex, attention, affection (however brief) . . . and . . . and . . . uhhh . . . mind-blowing sex. Uncomplicated. Brief (relatively speaking…at least we hope so for your sake). And available at the press of a button--or ten of them. But you like to keep this one on speed dial, don’t you?

He could be the ex-boyfriend whose bridge you failed to burn, a “friend” about whom you’ve always been curious, a one-night stand who wants more left-overs…I mean do-overs. Or maybe you’re just recovering from your most current disaster and have sworn off of men…or at least the non-protruding parts. You just need a little somethin’ somethin’ to scratch the itch every now and again.

He serves his purpose well. Never steps a toe out of line or calls outside of the mandated booty call hours of ten p.m. to six a.m. … that is until tragedy strikes. He—in a lonely moment or in his overly zealous effort to sustain his premier sexual status—squeezed a little tighter, stayed a little longer, shared a few more conversations. In the aftermath, still deliriously high on pheromones, you wonder if maybe, just maybe, he might be “the one.” You couldn’t help yourself. After all, your Mom forgot to tell you that your va-jay-jay is directly connected to your heart, while his penis is directly connected to his short-term memory.

No, you haven’t even so much as gone dutch on a movie. You’ve never hung out with he and his friends. He doesn’t do anything for you except supply condoms and…well…you know. He’s never expressed a remote desire to take your relationship to any other level than horizontal…or further than the confines of the threshold of the bedroom door. Yet and still, you believe maybe there’s a chance that he’s “the one.”

Here are a five ways that you can win his love and turn that booty call into a boyfriend.

1. Rearrange his chromosomes. Add an “X” and remove the “Y.” Obviously, you want him to act like a man and think like a lady. You want his penis connected to his heart instead of the short-term memory and that’s not going to happen without major surgery. You’re a booty call and that’s the only way he’ll ever view you because that’ all you’ve ever been.

2. Give him a heart transplant…and replace it with one programmed to love you. Oh, he has the capacity to love and love deeply. The problem is that he doesn’t want to love you. If he wanted to love you, you’d be his girlfriend and not his booty call.

3. Give him amnesia, so he can forget about your walk through the valley of Ho-ville. No man wants to believe his woman, the one he honors and has committed to, could even conceive of having capricious sex with any old man. You set the standard for yourself and, in his eyes, the standard is “Any old d*ck will do ya.” If you want more from him, the only thing he might be willing to part with is five extra minutes before he climaxes…if you ask nicely.

4. Give yourself amnesia…so you can forget this stupid idea. Listen, if you want to be a girlfriend, you’re gonna have to start with someone new and act like girlfriend material from the jump. That means set standards for what you want and need from a relationship upfront…and don’t compromise! And don’t give up booty until he openly expresses his desire for commitment

5. Sever the limb and start over. No, don’t cut him off literally, but do so figuratively. Cut the relationship, admit that you rushed into it, made some poor decisions, and that you’d like to see if there is a possibility to begin again and approach things differently. If he agrees, then you know you have a winner. If not, then let it go. Keep it moving. And don’t look back. 

Follow me on Twitter: @Karlab27
Facebook Page: KL Brady
Website: www.klbradyauthor.com
Buy My Books on Amazon

Weekly Words of Wisdom

"You can’t fool all of the people all of the time, but there’s a sucker born every minute!" ~ Mama Tyson

Weekly Words of Wisdom

"You better stop burnin' the candle at both ends before you can't smell the roses." ~ Mama Tyson

Are You A Bum Magnet? 5 Signs to Help You Reveal Your Ugly Truth

It's an ugly truth, isn't it? Who wants to admit they're a bum magnet? Nobody. It's bad enough having to admit you're wrong ONCE. Most folks don't want to admit they are wrong over and over and over again. Just doesn't happen. But I promise you, you aren't fooling anybody but yourself. Because everybody else in your life knows you're a bum magnet except you. The proof is in the pudding, based on the fact that you haven't been able to sustain a long-term healthy relationship pretty much...ever. You try. YOUR heart's in the right place. You just run through men (women) like Kim Kardashian.

Well, it's time to confess. Although, you don't have to confess it to me.

As the author of The Bum Magnet, I'm often asked about whether the story is based on my life experiences. It's usually the first question folks ask in an author interview. Never ceases to amaze me of just how many ways I've learned to lie. To conceal my "hidden" shame. Only it's not as hidden as I think because the first question my friends and family asked when I told them I was writing a book called the bum magnet was "Is it an autobiography?"

So, the truth is. Yeah, there are pieces of truth from my life in the book...dammit. And yes, I have had issues in my life that impact my relationships with men. And yes, I was as much or more of the problem than the men were.

Let's face it. You can only blame the other person so much. At some point, you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Why are you so eff'ed up???"

I can say with some honesty that most of the men in my life have been God-fearing to some degree, had decent spirits, but they were usually all wrong for me and I almost always knew it within the first weeks, if not days, of meeting them. Yet I dated them anyway.

So you ask how could an intelligent, successful woman spend the better half of her life dating men who she knew was wrong for her from the jump? Because it's what bum magnets do. You subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) choose people you know will be toxic. And I happen to believe there are multiple reasons why.

1. Houdini Daddy. Your father disappeared from your life at a young age and you've never had a positive role model to demonstrate how a man who genuinely loves you is supposed to treat you. You develop warped senses of what kind of treatment is acceptable...and then you accept it because you just don't know better.

2. Trust is Bust. An influential person (or people) in your life who you placed your trust in violated that trust and the pain from that violation caused you to self-protect. You fear commitment and only date people you know from the jump you'll never be vulnerable to because you're not open to trusting anyone from the beginning.

3. I'm not worthy. We have a low self-esteem and a skewed sense of self worth. Let's face it. Women who value their time, their talents, and their worth don't tolerate bullshit. So they certainly aren't gonna tolerate it over and over and over again. They have better things to do with their time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me six times, I'm a bum magnet.

4. Who me? Most bum magnets repeat the same dumb ass patterns because you're floating blissfully on the river of denial. You can spot the flaw in everyone except yourself. If Jesus walked in a room with you and nine of your friends and family and asked, "Who among you is a bum magnet?", you'd be the one looking over your shoulder, up at the sky, down at the floor, at your neighbor on each side. Meanwhile, nine sets of eyes would be peeled on you.

5. He'll Change. You believe your partner or spouse will love you enough to become the person we need them to be to make you happy. The problem is that you're not the person you need to be in order to realize true happiness regardless of what he does, likely because of one of the four issues stated above. You'll never find happiness until you expose and deal with the root cause of your unhappiness.

It's not him. It's you.

Time to ride that short bus out of the state of denial. Own your problem so you can expose your ugly truths and begin to build healthier and happier relationships.

Got a question for Rissey & Nisey? Send it to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com.

The Bum Magnet on Blogspot - Relaunched

Hello Everybody!

Welcome back to The Bum Magnet. I'm author K. L. Brady, the author of the book of the same name.

After forty-plus years of getting love wrong, feeling like I was permanently stuck on love's short bus, I thought I might have a thing or two to convey about my own mistakes that could help others work through theirs.

I'm no relationship expert, simply a woman in progress.

When I first started this blog, I had envisioned creating a place where I could offer some sage, down-home sistagirl advice to people, particularly women, on how to determine--in your own life--when you're repeating bad patterns and how to possibly begin moving in the right direction.

At the time, I had self-published my novel and was so consumed with marketing and life issues that I really let this blog go to the wayside. Well, I'm bringing the short bus back and I'm gonna do what I can to get my peops off of it. LOL Let my people go!

For those who don't know me, I offer my take on life lessons smothered in humor. Perhaps not always in a politically correct way, but EVERY word I say comes from the heart, from a genuine desire to help others move past their bad patterns as I have begun to do (FINALLY) after years of getting it wrong.

Beginning next Monday, I'll begin posting regular features on relationships, getting them wrong, and how to get them right. Charisse and Denise (Rissey and Nisey) really own this spot. Most posts will come from them because, quite frankly, they are way funnier than I am. Other characters from the book, including the men, will make appearances periodically, as necessary, because it's important to see things from a male point of view. And I do have male consultants to offer their assistance when I need to attack issues from a male's perspective.

On Mondays, I'll post an article, written by yours truly, that will offer tips and advice on addressing a love, life, or relationship issue.

On Wednesdays, I'll host the He/She Said, We Said segment, in which Nissey and Rissey will answer letters from followers or lurkers about their own relationship challenges. Whether, you're single, married, in a committed relationship, a booty call, a bum magnet, whatever your problem is, send an email (anonymously if you choose) to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com and we'll address your issue to the best of our abilities.

On Thursday, Mama Tyson will offer her weekly words of wisdom--the shortest of the features. For those of you who don't know the character, she frequently mixes metaphors and in the words of her daughter, Charisse, knows how to eff up a perfectly good quote. But she does so in a way that the wisdom still finds its way through.

And depending on our schedule, Rissey, Nisey, and the other characters will discuss the topic of the week during the Short Bus Special.

So in the words of one of my favorite leading ladies, Bettye Davis, "Fasten your seat belts, it's gonna be a bumpy night."

Getting off the love short bus is never easy, but it's sure worth the try.

The Short Bus Special #2: She Said, We Said

Hello Readers! We have another Short Bus Special from a sister heartbroken by Mr. Fix It.

She said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

I’ve been dating a man for the last year. In the beginning, he was sweet, generous, and took great care of me. He’s a maintenance engineer, so he fixed everything that was broken in my house. He’d stop by to spend time with me every chance he got and spend time with me and my son. And he even took me as his date to his brother’s wedding, where I overwhelmingly received his family’s stamp of approval.

After six months, things changed A LOT. He doesn’t really help me around the house anymore. He doesn’t come over during the day. Rather, he usually comes late at night. We have sex, and he leaves the next morning. He no longer spends time with me on weekends. His calls are less frequent too. To top it off, I looked in his email account one day and found letters that he was writing to another woman and he implied that he loved her. When I confronted him, he said he and the woman were friends and that there was nothing going on between them.

I’ve spoken with him about it until I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. He “says” I’m still his “baby” but he doesn’t treat me like he used to at all. I really love this man. I know he has the capability to be a good man, but I am just not sure what has caused this change in his attitude toward me. What should I do?

Signed, Confused in Camp Springs


We said...


Dear Confused in Camp Springs,

You, indeed, are in a precarious position. Your man started out treating you as a Queen B. and now treats you like a Booty C. (call) and you don't understand why. Let us provide you with some understanding. First of all, you can never judge a man (or woman) by how they act in the first few months. It takes many months, sometimes more than a year, to see who someone really is. The beginning months of a relationship are merely a performance. Over time, when the curtain comes down and the audience goes home, that’s when you see who you’re really dealing with. When his show was over, he showed you his ass. That’s the man you’re really involved with. Get it through your head, that Prince Charming you remembered is history.

Second, if you know that he has been writing to another woman and implying that he loves her, you have another problem altogether. Even if he didn’t cheat with her physically (which we seriously doubt), he is definitely engaged in emotional cheating which would explain the distance that he’s putting between the two of you.

Get off the short bus, honey! It’s time to show “Mr. Fix It” the door and let the doorknob hit him the ass on the way out. You deserve to be more than some man’s booty call. You deserve to be with a man who saves all of his loving for you—emotional and physical. Mr. Right is just around your corner. If you keep wasting your time on this fool, you might miss him.

Rissey and Nisey

If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at RisseyandNisey@klbradywrites.com.

The Short Bus Special: She Said, We Said

Let’s face, we all (men and women) do stupid things in relationships. Sometimes, we fail to heed the danger signs, we fail to listen to that little voice in our heads that screams “Stooooop! Don’t do that! Run! Leave!” I’m no stranger to that situation and neither is Nisey. So, we’ve decided to start our own advice column. We’ve received concerning letters from some of our wonderful readers in need of some relationship help. With their permission, Nisey and I thought it would be a great idea to share some of these letters with our audience and provide some down home sister-to-sister advice. From time to time we will post these letters under our new feature “Get Off the Short Bus Special.”

Here’s our first letter from a troubled sister with a commitment-phobic boyfriend…

She said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

My boyfriend and I have been living together for three and a half years. Although we’ve discussed marriage, for some reason he refuses to commit. He claims he’s happy with our life together and that he doesn’t want to be with anyone but me. He pays the bills and takes care of home and does everything a good man should do. He just refuses to get married, saying he feels we need more time to get to know one another. Every time I bring up the subject, he either gets frisky to distract me or gets angry and runs out of the house. I think three years is plenty of time to know whether someone is worth marrying.

One of my friends says I should leave him and another one says I should stop taking my birth control and that a baby will make him come around. I don’t know what to do. Am I on the short bus? If so, how can I get off?

Signed,

He’s Smitten but not Committin’

We said...

Dear Smitten’ but not Committin’

Although every relationship has its own timetable and no two are alike, I think you are right to feel concerned. Be assured that after living with this man for three years, he knows whether or not you’re marriage material. The fact that he distracts you or avoids the subject with sex or arguments does not bode well. Sounds like a bad case of “Why Buy the Cow….”

Get off the short bus, honey. Just because a man is good to you in some ways, doesn’t always mean he’s good for you. If you really feel that marriage is the kind of commitment you need, you aren’t going to find it with this man if you keep accepting the status quo. You need to leave him, short and simple. If he truly loves you and wants to spend his life with you, nothing in heaven or Earth could keep him from coming back to you and giving you the commitment that you need. If he doesn’t, c’est la vie! Move on and be thankful that you saved yourself from wasting another minute of your life with someone who was never going to give you what you needed. Lick your wounds and open your heart to receive the love you deserve.

Rissey and Nisey

If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at RisseyandNisey@klbradywrites.com.

Is There Ever A Good Reason To Cheat?

Nisey: Well, after the last discussion got a bit out of control. Rissey and I have decided to take over the moderating responsibilities for the group. No diss to K.L. but she’s still welcome to listen in. So, today we have with us Kevin, David, and Lamar and we’re going to continue our discussions on relationships.

Rissey: That’s right! So now, let’s get back to brass tacks--whether there is ever a good reason to cheat on your spouse. I think we can all agree that cheating is wrong and anyone can justify anything in their minds. But if we really get down to the reasons that people aren’t happy in their relationships and feel the need to seek consolation outside of their relationship, some of those reasons for being unhappy are valid even though the act of cheating may not be. So, let’s talk about being unhappy and the ways in which we deal with those issues.

Lamar: Well, I’m going to speak up for the fellas and bring up the topic that we aren’t supposed to bring up and that is the topic of the old Switch-A-Roo. You know, we get engaged to one woman and we find out later on that she isn’t the person she led us to believe she is. Before we get married, she cooks. After we get married, microwaved dinners. Before marriage, she works out, keeps herself tight and together. After marriage, she lets it all go. What gym? What diet? Gimme that gallon of Ben Jerry’s and a spoon please? Before marriage sex flows like the Nile River, after marriage it drips like a leaky faucet.

Nisey: You know what? I have the right mind to—

Rissey: No, no, Nisey, let him finish. He has a right to his…opinion. Let him finish.

Lamar: As I was saying, after marriage or after we’re in a committed relationship, y’all just stop everything that makes us happy. So, we end up looking for the woman we thought we got into the relationship outside the house because she damn sure ain’t in the house, if you dig me.
Kevin: Ummmmm…David, what do you think?

David: I, uhhhh, I think that I’d like to hear what the women think.

Nisey: Don’t be scared now. I saw you over there nodding your head, David. Like you agreed with everything he said. You too Kevin. Don’t be scared now. Nuh uhh…

Rissey: I am just overwhelmed…overwhelmedwith disbelief. I mean, talk about the pot calling the kettle black??? Let’s start the discussion right there, with pots…that means POT BELLIES, from all the beer and good cookin’ you get so used to. Uh huh, before we get married we trip the light fantastic. After marriage, we trip over your feet which are firmly attached to the floor in front of the couch. If we set the couch on fire, you’d ask us to bring you a beer so you could drink half and use the other half to put the flame out, never releasing the remote control, like a damn Houdini.

Nisey: Can I get an Amen?! And how about all the little things that become non-existent? Before marriage, we got big beautiful bouquets of flowers. After marriage, the only “flower” we see comes from Pillsbury. Before marriage, if we asked you to do something around the house, you had it done before we could finish the sentence. After marriage if we ask you to do something, you do it after we finish the sentence—and repeat it 75 times. As for the sex, if it lasted longer than a drip maybe we’d be more inclined to let it flow.

Kevin: Okay, okay, let’s all calm down a minute. Obviously, we can see that there are issues on both sides, very valid issues, I might add. But the one thing we haven’t really discussed here is communication. When you feel like you’re not getting what you need, it’s time to let your partner know…but it’s really all about how you say it. If you come at him or her the wrong way, blaming the other person and not taking any responsibility, then that’s what leads folks to start looking elsewhere.

Rissey: That is a very important point Kevin. My man! Gimme a high five on that, baby.
David: True, true. Communication is the key. I think that would make a great topic for our next discussion. How do you sit down in a positive way and tell your partner something negative, like you aren’t happy with your sex life or she needs to lose weight.

Nisey: Oh, so you think I need to lose weight and the sex ain’t no good.

David: I wasn’t talking about you, baby. I was speaking figuratively.

Nisey: Well, maybe you need to “figure” out how your ass is getting home because you ain’t ridin’ with me.

Rissey: She just had a baby, David. Hormones. She’ll be alright.

David: I love you, boo.

Nisey: Ummmhmmmm. Anyway.

Kevin: Okay, so let’s make out next discussion about effective communication. Until next time…