"You better stop burnin' the candle at both ends before you can't smell the roses." ~ Mama Tyson
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
He Said, We Said - Vexed by the Ex!
Dear Rissey and Nisey,
So my girlfriend and I have been dating for about a month and two weeks. Her long distance ex-boyfriend of nine months is having trouble letting go and keeps texting her asking her to take him back. She tells him no and that she is happy with me. They got into a fight the other day over text and now she is kind of depressed. What should I do?
Signed
Vexed by the Ex
Dear Vexed by the Ex,
You've been together for one and one half WHOLE months? Wow! Honey, I hate to break it to you but the time you've been together equates to the less than a proverbial "hot minute." You don't have a girlfriend. You are DATING. There's a huge difference. You're both still in the performance stage, which is when you both trying to put on your best faces. Now, if her face is still droopy over another man, then you've got trouble with a capital "T."
The relationship is way too new for commitment, particularly for a woman who was in a 9-month relationship before you came along. I think you've got three doors to choose from and you need to make the best decision for you. Door #1: Take a time out and let her figure out why she's down in the mouth over a relationship that already went south. Door #2: Redefine your relationship so that you both understand that you're just dating and that you will commit to one another when you get to know one another better. Or Door #3: Save yourself all the unnecessary drama and dump the bitch. Get off the short bus and kick her to the proverbial curb and find someone that isn't hung up on someone else. Life is too short and apparently so is her attention span.
Nisey and I vote for Door #3!
If you have a life or relationship problem that you would like Rissey and Nisey to address, please send us an email to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com.
So my girlfriend and I have been dating for about a month and two weeks. Her long distance ex-boyfriend of nine months is having trouble letting go and keeps texting her asking her to take him back. She tells him no and that she is happy with me. They got into a fight the other day over text and now she is kind of depressed. What should I do?
Signed
Vexed by the Ex
Dear Vexed by the Ex,
You've been together for one and one half WHOLE months? Wow! Honey, I hate to break it to you but the time you've been together equates to the less than a proverbial "hot minute." You don't have a girlfriend. You are DATING. There's a huge difference. You're both still in the performance stage, which is when you both trying to put on your best faces. Now, if her face is still droopy over another man, then you've got trouble with a capital "T."
The relationship is way too new for commitment, particularly for a woman who was in a 9-month relationship before you came along. I think you've got three doors to choose from and you need to make the best decision for you. Door #1: Take a time out and let her figure out why she's down in the mouth over a relationship that already went south. Door #2: Redefine your relationship so that you both understand that you're just dating and that you will commit to one another when you get to know one another better. Or Door #3: Save yourself all the unnecessary drama and dump the bitch. Get off the short bus and kick her to the proverbial curb and find someone that isn't hung up on someone else. Life is too short and apparently so is her attention span.
Nisey and I vote for Door #3!
If you have a life or relationship problem that you would like Rissey and Nisey to address, please send us an email to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Are You A Bum Magnet? 5 Signs to Help You Reveal Your Ugly Truth
It's an ugly truth, isn't it? Who wants to admit they're a bum magnet? Nobody. It's bad enough having to admit you're wrong ONCE. Most folks don't want to admit they are wrong over and over and over again. Just doesn't happen. But I promise you, you aren't fooling anybody but yourself. Because everybody else in your life knows you're a bum magnet except you. The proof is in the pudding, based on the fact that you haven't been able to sustain a long-term healthy relationship pretty much...ever. You try. YOUR heart's in the right place. You just run through men (women) like Kim Kardashian.
Well, it's time to confess. Although, you don't have to confess it to me.
As the author of The Bum Magnet, I'm often asked about whether the story is based on my life experiences. It's usually the first question folks ask in an author interview. Never ceases to amaze me of just how many ways I've learned to lie. To conceal my "hidden" shame. Only it's not as hidden as I think because the first question my friends and family asked when I told them I was writing a book called the bum magnet was "Is it an autobiography?"
So, the truth is. Yeah, there are pieces of truth from my life in the book...dammit. And yes, I have had issues in my life that impact my relationships with men. And yes, I was as much or more of the problem than the men were.
Let's face it. You can only blame the other person so much. At some point, you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Why are you so eff'ed up???"
I can say with some honesty that most of the men in my life have been God-fearing to some degree, had decent spirits, but they were usually all wrong for me and I almost always knew it within the first weeks, if not days, of meeting them. Yet I dated them anyway.
So you ask how could an intelligent, successful woman spend the better half of her life dating men who she knew was wrong for her from the jump? Because it's what bum magnets do. You subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) choose people you know will be toxic. And I happen to believe there are multiple reasons why.
1. Houdini Daddy. Your father disappeared from your life at a young age and you've never had a positive role model to demonstrate how a man who genuinely loves you is supposed to treat you. You develop warped senses of what kind of treatment is acceptable...and then you accept it because you just don't know better.
2. Trust is Bust. An influential person (or people) in your life who you placed your trust in violated that trust and the pain from that violation caused you to self-protect. You fear commitment and only date people you know from the jump you'll never be vulnerable to because you're not open to trusting anyone from the beginning.
3. I'm not worthy. We have a low self-esteem and a skewed sense of self worth. Let's face it. Women who value their time, their talents, and their worth don't tolerate bullshit. So they certainly aren't gonna tolerate it over and over and over again. They have better things to do with their time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me six times, I'm a bum magnet.
4. Who me? Most bum magnets repeat the same dumb ass patterns because you're floating blissfully on the river of denial. You can spot the flaw in everyone except yourself. If Jesus walked in a room with you and nine of your friends and family and asked, "Who among you is a bum magnet?", you'd be the one looking over your shoulder, up at the sky, down at the floor, at your neighbor on each side. Meanwhile, nine sets of eyes would be peeled on you.
5. He'll Change. You believe your partner or spouse will love you enough to become the person we need them to be to make you happy. The problem is that you're not the person you need to be in order to realize true happiness regardless of what he does, likely because of one of the four issues stated above. You'll never find happiness until you expose and deal with the root cause of your unhappiness.
It's not him. It's you.
Time to ride that short bus out of the state of denial. Own your problem so you can expose your ugly truths and begin to build healthier and happier relationships.
Got a question for Rissey & Nisey? Send it to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com.
Well, it's time to confess. Although, you don't have to confess it to me.
As the author of The Bum Magnet, I'm often asked about whether the story is based on my life experiences. It's usually the first question folks ask in an author interview. Never ceases to amaze me of just how many ways I've learned to lie. To conceal my "hidden" shame. Only it's not as hidden as I think because the first question my friends and family asked when I told them I was writing a book called the bum magnet was "Is it an autobiography?"
So, the truth is. Yeah, there are pieces of truth from my life in the book...dammit. And yes, I have had issues in my life that impact my relationships with men. And yes, I was as much or more of the problem than the men were.
Let's face it. You can only blame the other person so much. At some point, you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Why are you so eff'ed up???"
I can say with some honesty that most of the men in my life have been God-fearing to some degree, had decent spirits, but they were usually all wrong for me and I almost always knew it within the first weeks, if not days, of meeting them. Yet I dated them anyway.
So you ask how could an intelligent, successful woman spend the better half of her life dating men who she knew was wrong for her from the jump? Because it's what bum magnets do. You subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) choose people you know will be toxic. And I happen to believe there are multiple reasons why.
1. Houdini Daddy. Your father disappeared from your life at a young age and you've never had a positive role model to demonstrate how a man who genuinely loves you is supposed to treat you. You develop warped senses of what kind of treatment is acceptable...and then you accept it because you just don't know better.
2. Trust is Bust. An influential person (or people) in your life who you placed your trust in violated that trust and the pain from that violation caused you to self-protect. You fear commitment and only date people you know from the jump you'll never be vulnerable to because you're not open to trusting anyone from the beginning.
3. I'm not worthy. We have a low self-esteem and a skewed sense of self worth. Let's face it. Women who value their time, their talents, and their worth don't tolerate bullshit. So they certainly aren't gonna tolerate it over and over and over again. They have better things to do with their time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me six times, I'm a bum magnet.
4. Who me? Most bum magnets repeat the same dumb ass patterns because you're floating blissfully on the river of denial. You can spot the flaw in everyone except yourself. If Jesus walked in a room with you and nine of your friends and family and asked, "Who among you is a bum magnet?", you'd be the one looking over your shoulder, up at the sky, down at the floor, at your neighbor on each side. Meanwhile, nine sets of eyes would be peeled on you.
5. He'll Change. You believe your partner or spouse will love you enough to become the person we need them to be to make you happy. The problem is that you're not the person you need to be in order to realize true happiness regardless of what he does, likely because of one of the four issues stated above. You'll never find happiness until you expose and deal with the root cause of your unhappiness.
It's not him. It's you.
Time to ride that short bus out of the state of denial. Own your problem so you can expose your ugly truths and begin to build healthier and happier relationships.
Got a question for Rissey & Nisey? Send it to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The Bum Magnet on Blogspot - Relaunched
Hello Everybody!
Welcome back to The Bum Magnet. I'm author K. L. Brady, the author of the book of the same name.
After forty-plus years of getting love wrong, feeling like I was permanently stuck on love's short bus, I thought I might have a thing or two to convey about my own mistakes that could help others work through theirs.
I'm no relationship expert, simply a woman in progress.
When I first started this blog, I had envisioned creating a place where I could offer some sage, down-home sistagirl advice to people, particularly women, on how to determine--in your own life--when you're repeating bad patterns and how to possibly begin moving in the right direction.
At the time, I had self-published my novel and was so consumed with marketing and life issues that I really let this blog go to the wayside. Well, I'm bringing the short bus back and I'm gonna do what I can to get my peops off of it. LOL Let my people go!
For those who don't know me, I offer my take on life lessons smothered in humor. Perhaps not always in a politically correct way, but EVERY word I say comes from the heart, from a genuine desire to help others move past their bad patterns as I have begun to do (FINALLY) after years of getting it wrong.
Beginning next Monday, I'll begin posting regular features on relationships, getting them wrong, and how to get them right. Charisse and Denise (Rissey and Nisey) really own this spot. Most posts will come from them because, quite frankly, they are way funnier than I am. Other characters from the book, including the men, will make appearances periodically, as necessary, because it's important to see things from a male point of view. And I do have male consultants to offer their assistance when I need to attack issues from a male's perspective.
On Mondays, I'll post an article, written by yours truly, that will offer tips and advice on addressing a love, life, or relationship issue.
On Wednesdays, I'll host the He/She Said, We Said segment, in which Nissey and Rissey will answer letters from followers or lurkers about their own relationship challenges. Whether, you're single, married, in a committed relationship, a booty call, a bum magnet, whatever your problem is, send an email (anonymously if you choose) to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com and we'll address your issue to the best of our abilities.
On Thursday, Mama Tyson will offer her weekly words of wisdom--the shortest of the features. For those of you who don't know the character, she frequently mixes metaphors and in the words of her daughter, Charisse, knows how to eff up a perfectly good quote. But she does so in a way that the wisdom still finds its way through.
And depending on our schedule, Rissey, Nisey, and the other characters will discuss the topic of the week during the Short Bus Special.
So in the words of one of my favorite leading ladies, Bettye Davis, "Fasten your seat belts, it's gonna be a bumpy night."
Getting off the love short bus is never easy, but it's sure worth the try.
Welcome back to The Bum Magnet. I'm author K. L. Brady, the author of the book of the same name.
After forty-plus years of getting love wrong, feeling like I was permanently stuck on love's short bus, I thought I might have a thing or two to convey about my own mistakes that could help others work through theirs.
I'm no relationship expert, simply a woman in progress.
When I first started this blog, I had envisioned creating a place where I could offer some sage, down-home sistagirl advice to people, particularly women, on how to determine--in your own life--when you're repeating bad patterns and how to possibly begin moving in the right direction.
At the time, I had self-published my novel and was so consumed with marketing and life issues that I really let this blog go to the wayside. Well, I'm bringing the short bus back and I'm gonna do what I can to get my peops off of it. LOL Let my people go!
For those who don't know me, I offer my take on life lessons smothered in humor. Perhaps not always in a politically correct way, but EVERY word I say comes from the heart, from a genuine desire to help others move past their bad patterns as I have begun to do (FINALLY) after years of getting it wrong.
Beginning next Monday, I'll begin posting regular features on relationships, getting them wrong, and how to get them right. Charisse and Denise (Rissey and Nisey) really own this spot. Most posts will come from them because, quite frankly, they are way funnier than I am. Other characters from the book, including the men, will make appearances periodically, as necessary, because it's important to see things from a male point of view. And I do have male consultants to offer their assistance when I need to attack issues from a male's perspective.
On Mondays, I'll post an article, written by yours truly, that will offer tips and advice on addressing a love, life, or relationship issue.
On Wednesdays, I'll host the He/She Said, We Said segment, in which Nissey and Rissey will answer letters from followers or lurkers about their own relationship challenges. Whether, you're single, married, in a committed relationship, a booty call, a bum magnet, whatever your problem is, send an email (anonymously if you choose) to SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com and we'll address your issue to the best of our abilities.
On Thursday, Mama Tyson will offer her weekly words of wisdom--the shortest of the features. For those of you who don't know the character, she frequently mixes metaphors and in the words of her daughter, Charisse, knows how to eff up a perfectly good quote. But she does so in a way that the wisdom still finds its way through.
And depending on our schedule, Rissey, Nisey, and the other characters will discuss the topic of the week during the Short Bus Special.
So in the words of one of my favorite leading ladies, Bettye Davis, "Fasten your seat belts, it's gonna be a bumpy night."
Getting off the love short bus is never easy, but it's sure worth the try.
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