Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Short Bus Special #2: She Said, We Said

Hello Readers! We have another Short Bus Special from a sister heartbroken by Mr. Fix It.

She said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

I’ve been dating a man for the last year. In the beginning, he was sweet, generous, and took great care of me. He’s a maintenance engineer, so he fixed everything that was broken in my house. He’d stop by to spend time with me every chance he got and spend time with me and my son. And he even took me as his date to his brother’s wedding, where I overwhelmingly received his family’s stamp of approval.

After six months, things changed A LOT. He doesn’t really help me around the house anymore. He doesn’t come over during the day. Rather, he usually comes late at night. We have sex, and he leaves the next morning. He no longer spends time with me on weekends. His calls are less frequent too. To top it off, I looked in his email account one day and found letters that he was writing to another woman and he implied that he loved her. When I confronted him, he said he and the woman were friends and that there was nothing going on between them.

I’ve spoken with him about it until I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. He “says” I’m still his “baby” but he doesn’t treat me like he used to at all. I really love this man. I know he has the capability to be a good man, but I am just not sure what has caused this change in his attitude toward me. What should I do?

Signed, Confused in Camp Springs

We said...

Dear Confused in Camp Springs,

You, indeed, are in a precarious position. Your man started out treating you as a Queen B. and now treats you like a Booty C. (call) and you don't understand why. Let us provide you with some understanding. First of all, you can never judge a man (or woman) by how they act in the first few months. It takes many months, sometimes more than a year, to see who someone really is. The beginning months of a relationship are merely a performance. Over time, when the curtain comes down and the audience goes home, that’s when you see who you’re really dealing with. When his show was over, he showed you his ass. That’s the man you’re really involved with. Get it through your head, that Prince Charming you remembered is history.

Second, if you know that he has been writing to another woman and implying that he loves her, you have another problem altogether. Even if he didn’t cheat with her physically (which we seriously doubt), he is definitely engaged in emotional cheating which would explain the distance that he’s putting between the two of you.

Get off the short bus, honey! It’s time to show “Mr. Fix It” the door and let the doorknob hit him the ass on the way out. You deserve to be more than some man’s booty call. You deserve to be with a man who saves all of his loving for you—emotional and physical. Mr. Right is just around your corner. If you keep wasting your time on this fool, you might miss him.

Rissey and Nisey

If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Short Bus Special: She Said, We Said

Let’s face, we all (men and women) do stupid things in relationships. Sometimes, we fail to heed the danger signs, we fail to listen to that little voice in our heads that screams “Stooooop! Don’t do that! Run! Leave!” I’m no stranger to that situation and neither is Nisey. So, we’ve decided to start our own advice column. We’ve received concerning letters from some of our wonderful readers in need of some relationship help. With their permission, Nisey and I thought it would be a great idea to share some of these letters with our audience and provide some down home sister-to-sister advice. From time to time we will post these letters under our new feature “Get Off the Short Bus Special.”

Here’s our first letter from a troubled sister with a commitment-phobic boyfriend…

She said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

My boyfriend and I have been living together for three and a half years. Although we’ve discussed marriage, for some reason he refuses to commit. He claims he’s happy with our life together and that he doesn’t want to be with anyone but me. He pays the bills and takes care of home and does everything a good man should do. He just refuses to get married, saying he feels we need more time to get to know one another. Every time I bring up the subject, he either gets frisky to distract me or gets angry and runs out of the house. I think three years is plenty of time to know whether someone is worth marrying.

One of my friends says I should leave him and another one says I should stop taking my birth control and that a baby will make him come around. I don’t know what to do. Am I on the short bus? If so, how can I get off?


He’s Smitten but not Committin’

We said...

Dear Smitten’ but not Committin’

Although every relationship has its own timetable and no two are alike, I think you are right to feel concerned. Be assured that after living with this man for three years, he knows whether or not you’re marriage material. The fact that he distracts you or avoids the subject with sex or arguments does not bode well. Sounds like a bad case of “Why Buy the Cow….”

Get off the short bus, honey. Just because a man is good to you in some ways, doesn’t always mean he’s good for you. If you really feel that marriage is the kind of commitment you need, you aren’t going to find it with this man if you keep accepting the status quo. You need to leave him, short and simple. If he truly loves you and wants to spend his life with you, nothing in heaven or Earth could keep him from coming back to you and giving you the commitment that you need. If he doesn’t, c’est la vie! Move on and be thankful that you saved yourself from wasting another minute of your life with someone who was never going to give you what you needed. Lick your wounds and open your heart to receive the love you deserve.

Rissey and Nisey

If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Is There Ever A Good Reason To Cheat?

Nisey: Well, after the last discussion got a bit out of control. Rissey and I have decided to take over the moderating responsibilities for the group. No diss to K.L. but she’s still welcome to listen in. So, today we have with us Kevin, David, and Lamar and we’re going to continue our discussions on relationships.

Rissey: That’s right! So now, let’s get back to brass tacks--whether there is ever a good reason to cheat on your spouse. I think we can all agree that cheating is wrong and anyone can justify anything in their minds. But if we really get down to the reasons that people aren’t happy in their relationships and feel the need to seek consolation outside of their relationship, some of those reasons for being unhappy are valid even though the act of cheating may not be. So, let’s talk about being unhappy and the ways in which we deal with those issues.

Lamar: Well, I’m going to speak up for the fellas and bring up the topic that we aren’t supposed to bring up and that is the topic of the old Switch-A-Roo. You know, we get engaged to one woman and we find out later on that she isn’t the person she led us to believe she is. Before we get married, she cooks. After we get married, microwaved dinners. Before marriage, she works out, keeps herself tight and together. After marriage, she lets it all go. What gym? What diet? Gimme that gallon of Ben Jerry’s and a spoon please? Before marriage sex flows like the Nile River, after marriage it drips like a leaky faucet.

Nisey: You know what? I have the right mind to—

Rissey: No, no, Nisey, let him finish. He has a right to his…opinion. Let him finish.

Lamar: As I was saying, after marriage or after we’re in a committed relationship, y’all just stop everything that makes us happy. So, we end up looking for the woman we thought we got into the relationship outside the house because she damn sure ain’t in the house, if you dig me.
Kevin: Ummmmm…David, what do you think?

David: I, uhhhh, I think that I’d like to hear what the women think.

Nisey: Don’t be scared now. I saw you over there nodding your head, David. Like you agreed with everything he said. You too Kevin. Don’t be scared now. Nuh uhh…

Rissey: I am just overwhelmed…overwhelmedwith disbelief. I mean, talk about the pot calling the kettle black??? Let’s start the discussion right there, with pots…that means POT BELLIES, from all the beer and good cookin’ you get so used to. Uh huh, before we get married we trip the light fantastic. After marriage, we trip over your feet which are firmly attached to the floor in front of the couch. If we set the couch on fire, you’d ask us to bring you a beer so you could drink half and use the other half to put the flame out, never releasing the remote control, like a damn Houdini.

Nisey: Can I get an Amen?! And how about all the little things that become non-existent? Before marriage, we got big beautiful bouquets of flowers. After marriage, the only “flower” we see comes from Pillsbury. Before marriage, if we asked you to do something around the house, you had it done before we could finish the sentence. After marriage if we ask you to do something, you do it after we finish the sentence—and repeat it 75 times. As for the sex, if it lasted longer than a drip maybe we’d be more inclined to let it flow.

Kevin: Okay, okay, let’s all calm down a minute. Obviously, we can see that there are issues on both sides, very valid issues, I might add. But the one thing we haven’t really discussed here is communication. When you feel like you’re not getting what you need, it’s time to let your partner know…but it’s really all about how you say it. If you come at him or her the wrong way, blaming the other person and not taking any responsibility, then that’s what leads folks to start looking elsewhere.

Rissey: That is a very important point Kevin. My man! Gimme a high five on that, baby.
David: True, true. Communication is the key. I think that would make a great topic for our next discussion. How do you sit down in a positive way and tell your partner something negative, like you aren’t happy with your sex life or she needs to lose weight.

Nisey: Oh, so you think I need to lose weight and the sex ain’t no good.

David: I wasn’t talking about you, baby. I was speaking figuratively.

Nisey: Well, maybe you need to “figure” out how your ass is getting home because you ain’t ridin’ with me.

Rissey: She just had a baby, David. Hormones. She’ll be alright.

David: I love you, boo.

Nisey: Ummmhmmmm. Anyway.

Kevin: Okay, so let’s make out next discussion about effective communication. Until next time…

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Spying on Your Significant Other

Moderator: Okay, we’re back! And we’re discussing a pretty hot relationship topic. Is it ever okay to spy on your significant other or spouse. Today, I’d like to let the men start the discussion. In addition to Lamar and Kevin, David, Nisey’s man, has graciously agreed to join us for this discussion. So fellas, how do you feel about spying? Is there ever a good reason to do it in a relationship?

Lamar: Okay, I want to start because I have personal experience with this issue. Don’t I, Charisse? I say that women are free to spy on their man, but just don’t get mad at me when you find what you’re looking for.

Nisey: Oh NO you DIDN’T.

Lamar: What?

Nisey: How about you men stop running around doing shit you ain’t got no business doing? If you’re so unhappy that you feel like you need to run around and screw somebody else, why not just break up with your girlfriend? That would be better than sneaking around behind somebody’s back. Catching diseases and bringing that shit home to somebody that loves you. What the hell is that?

Lamar: Listen, I get where you’re coming from, Denise. I’m the last person to sit here and say you’re wrong. I just feel like women don’t spy because they’re trying to a reason to leave you, because most of the time they don’t. They spy to find something to blackmail you with. Hold it over your head. Use it to get what they want when they want it. They use it to control men. That’s what they do.

Nisey: And?

Kevin: Well, I say what kind of relationship can you really have if you don’t trust each other. That goes for both sides. If you don’t trust each other, you can’t be happy. And if you’re not happy, then why would you want to be with that person anyway? It’s a waste of time and energy.

Charisse: I agree with Kevin. As a reformed spy, I know that I wasted a lot of energy and time checking behind men I thought were playing around. But I think Lamar is wrong. I don’t think women spy because they are looking for blackmail material. I think a lot of women spy because we are hoping beyond hope that we don’t find anything. We want to feel stupid for looking for something that wasn’t there. We want to settle our thoughts down so we can get back to loving.

David: Well, I think a key issue here is truth. Whatever y’all say, I don’t know any man who would just come out and tell his girlfriend the truth about cheating or finding interest in another woman, right? So, how is a woman supposed to find out who she’s really dealing with if she doesn’t spy?

Nisey: See? That’s right, boo. Tell ‘em!

David: But I also say that if she has enough reason to be suspicious, she’s probably right. So, why waste your time. Kick ‘em to the curb and keep it movin’.

Lamar: True that.

Charisse: Ummmhmmmm, that easy to say. Why is that when we try to leave, y’all start begging us not to go? That’s what I want to know. If you’re screwing around, go on to the heifer you’re cheating with and let us go. But y’all ain’t going to do that because you don’t want no body else gettin’ in our asses, that’s why. Men are inherently selfish, and women are inherently nurturers. This allows men to play on our emotions and get away with a lot of stuff, including cheating.

Kevin: Oh no YOU didn’t.

Charisse: I didn’t mean you, baby. You know you my boo.

Kevin: Ummmhmmmm.

David to Moderator: When do you jump in? When there’s bloodshed?

Moderator: I’m sorry. I was so engaged in the discussion I forgot to moderate. So, let’s see where we are. I think we generally agree that spying is a waste of time.

Everyone: Right, right.

Moderator: And if I’m understanding everyone correctly, if you have enough reason to be suspicious, you probably have enough reason to leave.

Nisey: That sounds about right to me.

Lamar: Yeah, I would agree with that.

Moderator: Okay, this was a fantastic start to our hot discussion series. Since I think we need to keep it hot, the next topic will be: Is there ever a good reason to cheat on your spouse or significant other?

Nisey: You better have the police standing by for this discussion. Somebody’s gonna get hurt up in here.

Rissey: I know THAT's right.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Cast from The Bum Magnet Talk Relationships with Author K.L. Brady

Warning: Contains Spoilers! If you plan to read The Bum Magnet, check it out before reading this blog.

Hello, I’m K.L. Brady, the author of The Bum Magnet. If you’re reading this right now, that means you’ve read the book or someone you know has read the book and you’re checking to see what new and wonderful things we have in store for this blog. Well, I’ll tell you. We’re going to begin hosting group sessions to discuss relationship issues covered in the novel and in life in general. The unique thing about this blog is that it will feature key members from The Bum Magnet cast who will discuss relationship problems during group sessions. Participants will include: Nisey, Rissey, Kevin, and Lamar. Charisse’s mother and David may stop in from time to time as their schedules allow. I’ll be the moderator and my job will be to keep everyone on track in the discussions and ensure that everyone remains respectful.

So, everyone. I’m going to begin with a fun icebreaker to loosen everyone up. Please introduce yourselves and finish this sentence: If any star could play me in a movie, it would be…

Nisey: Ahem, well I guess I’ll get this party started, right? I’m Nisey, Denise, ummm…Rissey’s…I mean Charisse’s best friend. We’ve known each other for 20-something years and are as close as two friends can be. We're really family. Let me see… Who would I want to play me? It needs to be somebody who can play a strong sista with a little attitude. Ooh, ooh, I know. Maybe Taraji P. Henson or, uhhh, what’s that chick’s name? You know, the one that played in Why Did I Get Married? Tasha something. I loved her line at dinner, “No, you didn’t get it from Keisha, you got it from Walter. I got my shot I was just waitin’ for you to say something. Boom!”

Rissey: Yeah, I could definitely see Taraji or Tasha playing your crazy ass. Smart and sassy with a small side of ghetto.

Nisey: Ha ha ha.

Rissey: Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Charisse or as Nisey calls me, Rissey. And I'm The Bum Magnet . . . or atleast I used to be. I can’t even imagine who would play me. Most of the popular actresses are too bony. I don’t know…maybe Jill Scott or Queen Latifah could pull it off. What’s her name from Love and Basketball might be good, but she’d need to eat a boat load of Twinkies first. Hmmm, that’s tough, I don’t know. But I DO know who I want to play my Kevin. That dude Sheriff Troy from Why Did I Get Married? Or Marcellus Wiley, the former defensive lineman. Ummm Yummy! I don’t know if Marcellus can act but I’d just like to look at him. I mean, uhhh, I’m kiddin’, baby. You know I’m playin’.

Kevin: Ummmhmmm. Yeah, right. You ain’t playin’ and you know it. I still love you though.

Rissey: Yes, I am, baby. You know you rock my world. You da man!

Kevin: Okay, okay. Easy on the syrup. Anyway, I’m Kevin, Charisse’s, uhhh, what am I?

Rissey: You don’t know? That ain’t what you said last night when you—

Kevin: Shhhhhh…Okay, I’m Charisse’s man. Lemme see. Who would I want to play me in a movie? I think, uhhh, Lamar what’s dude’s name from The Brothers? Something Walnut…

Lamar: Morris Chestnut.

Kevin: Yeah, that’s it. Morris Chestnut. Seems like there ain’t but five actors in Hollywood . He plays in everything.

Lamar: Yeah, the black actors are on a seriously short rotation. Oh, I’m Lamar, by the way. I’m Charisse’s ex from waaaay back in the day. We’re just friends now. She’s chillin’ with my man Kevin here. You know, I seriously don’t know who would play me. I haven’t seen too many “light-skinnededed” brothers with hazel eyes in the movies lately. What do you think, Charisse?

Charisse: Why you askin’ me? I don’t know. Hmmm… ooh, maybe that guy who got his butt whooped with the belt in This Christmas.

Lamar: He doesn’t have hazel eyes, does he?

Charisse: He doesn’t need to. Can you say, “colored contact lenses?”

Lamar: True that. True.

Moderator: Well, I think that’s good enough to get us started, don’t you guys? I think it’s time to get to the nitty gritty. So, I thought we’d lead off our relationship discussions off with a topic that I think touches on a key issue in the book: Is it ever okay to spy on your significant other?

Nisey: Yes, next topic!

Moderator: We’ll go into this further in the next discussion. I’m sure the men will have plenty to say on this issue.