Monday, July 25, 2011

The Husband-Seeker's Ten Commandments of Modern Dating

I do not profess to be an expert on successful dating. Can’t tell you how to get it right. However, I sure as heck can tell you how to date the wrong way. I’ve got twenty years of proven experience, thank you very much. Rock solid credentials. So, I can say with absolute certainty that while following these commandments might not help you find right man, they’ll darn minimize your contact with the wrong men. Take heed and follow:
  1. Thou shalt keep thy undies above the knees and skirt below thy ass. No sex until thou hast a promise of commitment.
  1. Thou shalt not covet another woman’s ass…er…husband, lest thy eyes be gouged with the guilt of sin…or the heel of a Christian Louboutin.
  1. Thou shalt allow the man to be the man—pay for dinner, open doors—lest ye strip him of his man pants and spend the rest of thy days with 1,000 cats.
  1. Thou shalt allow the man the thrill of pursuit. A dog will not stray from the home of his own choosing.
  1. Thou shalt promote clear communication about thy feelings, never make assumptions on actions (or lack thereof) alone. A man who professeth not, loveth not.
  1. Thou shalt not seek husbands in bars and clubs. If thou only shop in a sty, thou can only purchase a pig…knee deep in mud and slop.
  1. Thy shalt not deceive in words or deeds. To be truthful is divine, to lie will attract Karma…and she’s a bitch.
  1. Thou shalt tap into thy inner bitch and maintain thy own interests, activities, and hobbies, lest ye become too available and uninteresting…and spend the rest of thy days with 1,000 cats.
  1. Thou shalt zip thy lip. Never discuss thy past asses…er…relationships with a potential mate during the early dating stages.
  1. Thou shalt never ignore or make excuses for RED FLAGS. Flee-eth as the March wind. He might want to be your man, but he STILL CAN'T!
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  1. Interesting post!
    I'm glad you share it to us.Thank you so much.

  2. Hilariously scary! Experience is a great teacher. Love it! Lol