Sunday, September 27, 2009

Spying on Your Significant Other

Moderator: Okay, we’re back! And we’re discussing a pretty hot relationship topic. Is it ever okay to spy on your significant other or spouse. Today, I’d like to let the men start the discussion. In addition to Lamar and Kevin, David, Nisey’s man, has graciously agreed to join us for this discussion. So fellas, how do you feel about spying? Is there ever a good reason to do it in a relationship?

Lamar: Okay, I want to start because I have personal experience with this issue. Don’t I, Charisse? I say that women are free to spy on their man, but just don’t get mad at me when you find what you’re looking for.

Nisey: Oh NO you DIDN’T.

Lamar: What?

Nisey: How about you men stop running around doing shit you ain’t got no business doing? If you’re so unhappy that you feel like you need to run around and screw somebody else, why not just break up with your girlfriend? That would be better than sneaking around behind somebody’s back. Catching diseases and bringing that shit home to somebody that loves you. What the hell is that?

Lamar: Listen, I get where you’re coming from, Denise. I’m the last person to sit here and say you’re wrong. I just feel like women don’t spy because they’re trying to a reason to leave you, because most of the time they don’t. They spy to find something to blackmail you with. Hold it over your head. Use it to get what they want when they want it. They use it to control men. That’s what they do.

Nisey: And?

Kevin: Well, I say what kind of relationship can you really have if you don’t trust each other. That goes for both sides. If you don’t trust each other, you can’t be happy. And if you’re not happy, then why would you want to be with that person anyway? It’s a waste of time and energy.

Charisse: I agree with Kevin. As a reformed spy, I know that I wasted a lot of energy and time checking behind men I thought were playing around. But I think Lamar is wrong. I don’t think women spy because they are looking for blackmail material. I think a lot of women spy because we are hoping beyond hope that we don’t find anything. We want to feel stupid for looking for something that wasn’t there. We want to settle our thoughts down so we can get back to loving.

David: Well, I think a key issue here is truth. Whatever y’all say, I don’t know any man who would just come out and tell his girlfriend the truth about cheating or finding interest in another woman, right? So, how is a woman supposed to find out who she’s really dealing with if she doesn’t spy?

Nisey: See? That’s right, boo. Tell ‘em!

David: But I also say that if she has enough reason to be suspicious, she’s probably right. So, why waste your time. Kick ‘em to the curb and keep it movin’.

Lamar: True that.

Charisse: Ummmhmmmm, that easy to say. Why is that when we try to leave, y’all start begging us not to go? That’s what I want to know. If you’re screwing around, go on to the heifer you’re cheating with and let us go. But y’all ain’t going to do that because you don’t want no body else gettin’ in our asses, that’s why. Men are inherently selfish, and women are inherently nurturers. This allows men to play on our emotions and get away with a lot of stuff, including cheating.

Kevin: Oh no YOU didn’t.

Charisse: I didn’t mean you, baby. You know you my boo.

Kevin: Ummmhmmmm.

David to Moderator: When do you jump in? When there’s bloodshed?

Moderator: I’m sorry. I was so engaged in the discussion I forgot to moderate. So, let’s see where we are. I think we generally agree that spying is a waste of time.

Everyone: Right, right.

Moderator: And if I’m understanding everyone correctly, if you have enough reason to be suspicious, you probably have enough reason to leave.

Nisey: That sounds about right to me.

Lamar: Yeah, I would agree with that.

Moderator: Okay, this was a fantastic start to our hot discussion series. Since I think we need to keep it hot, the next topic will be: Is there ever a good reason to cheat on your spouse or significant other?

Nisey: You better have the police standing by for this discussion. Somebody’s gonna get hurt up in here.

Rissey: I know THAT's right.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Cast from The Bum Magnet Talk Relationships with Author K.L. Brady

Warning: Contains Spoilers! If you plan to read The Bum Magnet, check it out before reading this blog.

Hello, I’m K.L. Brady, the author of The Bum Magnet. If you’re reading this right now, that means you’ve read the book or someone you know has read the book and you’re checking to see what new and wonderful things we have in store for this blog. Well, I’ll tell you. We’re going to begin hosting group sessions to discuss relationship issues covered in the novel and in life in general. The unique thing about this blog is that it will feature key members from The Bum Magnet cast who will discuss relationship problems during group sessions. Participants will include: Nisey, Rissey, Kevin, and Lamar. Charisse’s mother and David may stop in from time to time as their schedules allow. I’ll be the moderator and my job will be to keep everyone on track in the discussions and ensure that everyone remains respectful.

So, everyone. I’m going to begin with a fun icebreaker to loosen everyone up. Please introduce yourselves and finish this sentence: If any star could play me in a movie, it would be…

Nisey: Ahem, well I guess I’ll get this party started, right? I’m Nisey, Denise, ummm…Rissey’s…I mean Charisse’s best friend. We’ve known each other for 20-something years and are as close as two friends can be. We're really family. Let me see… Who would I want to play me? It needs to be somebody who can play a strong sista with a little attitude. Ooh, ooh, I know. Maybe Taraji P. Henson or, uhhh, what’s that chick’s name? You know, the one that played in Why Did I Get Married? Tasha something. I loved her line at dinner, “No, you didn’t get it from Keisha, you got it from Walter. I got my shot I was just waitin’ for you to say something. Boom!”

Rissey: Yeah, I could definitely see Taraji or Tasha playing your crazy ass. Smart and sassy with a small side of ghetto.

Nisey: Ha ha ha.

Rissey: Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Charisse or as Nisey calls me, Rissey. And I'm The Bum Magnet . . . or atleast I used to be. I can’t even imagine who would play me. Most of the popular actresses are too bony. I don’t know…maybe Jill Scott or Queen Latifah could pull it off. What’s her name from Love and Basketball might be good, but she’d need to eat a boat load of Twinkies first. Hmmm, that’s tough, I don’t know. But I DO know who I want to play my Kevin. That dude Sheriff Troy from Why Did I Get Married? Or Marcellus Wiley, the former defensive lineman. Ummm Yummy! I don’t know if Marcellus can act but I’d just like to look at him. I mean, uhhh, I’m kiddin’, baby. You know I’m playin’.

Kevin: Ummmhmmm. Yeah, right. You ain’t playin’ and you know it. I still love you though.

Rissey: Yes, I am, baby. You know you rock my world. You da man!

Kevin: Okay, okay. Easy on the syrup. Anyway, I’m Kevin, Charisse’s, uhhh, what am I?

Rissey: You don’t know? That ain’t what you said last night when you—

Kevin: Shhhhhh…Okay, I’m Charisse’s man. Lemme see. Who would I want to play me in a movie? I think, uhhh, Lamar what’s dude’s name from The Brothers? Something Walnut…

Lamar: Morris Chestnut.

Kevin: Yeah, that’s it. Morris Chestnut. Seems like there ain’t but five actors in Hollywood . He plays in everything.

Lamar: Yeah, the black actors are on a seriously short rotation. Oh, I’m Lamar, by the way. I’m Charisse’s ex from waaaay back in the day. We’re just friends now. She’s chillin’ with my man Kevin here. You know, I seriously don’t know who would play me. I haven’t seen too many “light-skinnededed” brothers with hazel eyes in the movies lately. What do you think, Charisse?

Charisse: Why you askin’ me? I don’t know. Hmmm… ooh, maybe that guy who got his butt whooped with the belt in This Christmas.

Lamar: He doesn’t have hazel eyes, does he?

Charisse: He doesn’t need to. Can you say, “colored contact lenses?”

Lamar: True that. True.

Moderator: Well, I think that’s good enough to get us started, don’t you guys? I think it’s time to get to the nitty gritty. So, I thought we’d lead off our relationship discussions off with a topic that I think touches on a key issue in the book: Is it ever okay to spy on your significant other?

Nisey: Yes, next topic!

Moderator: We’ll go into this further in the next discussion. I’m sure the men will have plenty to say on this issue.