12 Honeymoons -- And Finding Your Passion

I've just finished my latest romance novel--12 Honeymoons.

While on the surface the story is about finding love, the core of the story is really about finding your passion.

It took me almost 40 years to figure our my passion for this writing thing even though I'd done it for most of my life--even as an Intelligence Analyst. I mean, I've kept journals since I was 7 or 8. The best thing my mother did was buy me my first diary. I wrote my first word and never stopped writing. I write more now than in any other time of my life. And as I reflected on the joy I felt in doing this thing, I kept asking myself over and over again -- Why in the world could I not have figured out that I was meant to be a writer sooner? 

That's one of the key themes of my newest romance novel--finding your passion, directly as a result of this question to myself. And I came up with this theory about theory about how people find their passions--and why it doesn't matter which road you take as long as you get there.   

Some people are born knowing exactly who they want to be. I think of someone like Michael Jackson. I mean he was practically moonwalking in the crib. He was born knowing exactly who he wanted to be and he was driven to do that until he died. Music was a part of the fabric of his life, of his being, and he never thought or considered doing another thing. For some people, it's that easy...and that hard. 

Others have ZERO clue about their passions or their callings, so they kind of wander around life from thing to thing to thing to thing, trying to find that ONE thing that drives them, that brings out the best in them, that awakes their souls. To those on the outside looking in, they seem flighty or unfocused, but in truth I believe the lack of focus is a sign of hopefulness. They try and try and try but just can't figure out the passion--yet and still they haven't given up. 

Then there are people like me. They know EXACTLY what they are supposed to be, what they are called to do, where their true passion lies. And they've known it from a young age. But they talk themselves out of it. Tell themselves that the dream is impossible. They don't have training, the education, the looks, the knowledge, the energy, the will, whatever. So, they flit around from thing to thing succeeding or failing miserably. You can succeed miserably if you're succeeding in something you have no true passion for. And you're driven by this debilitating misery and constantly hitting ceilings and brick walls and road bumps dead ends, all of which I believe, are designed to guide you to the thing you truly love. It's the most painful process of elimination EVER. And the journey feels unnecessary, but I believe, in many cases, it is very much necessary.  

I would not have the LIFE EXPERIENCE to pull off the romance books I've written or this J.J. McCall series if I  had not taken the significant detour from writing so early in my life. I'd probably still be a good writer--but then what the hell would I write about? Nothing quite as interesting as the subjects of my books today--that's for certain! 

Bottom line is no matter which route that you take to get to your passion, your calling, the thing you were meant to do above any other, enjoy the journey and use it as fuel to help propel you forward in whatever stage you find it. 

Follow me on Twitter: @Karlab27
Facebook Page: KL Brady
Website: www.klbradyauthor.com
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The Short Bus Special #2: She Said, We Said

Hello Readers! We have another Short Bus Special from a sister heartbroken by Mr. Fix It.

She said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

I’ve been dating a man for the last year. In the beginning, he was sweet, generous, and took great care of me. He’s a maintenance engineer, so he fixed everything that was broken in my house. He’d stop by to spend time with me every chance he got and spend time with me and my son. And he even took me as his date to his brother’s wedding, where I overwhelmingly received his family’s stamp of approval.

After six months, things changed A LOT. He doesn’t really help me around the house anymore. He doesn’t come over during the day. Rather, he usually comes late at night. We have sex, and he leaves the next morning. He no longer spends time with me on weekends. His calls are less frequent too. To top it off, I looked in his email account one day and found letters that he was writing to another woman and he implied that he loved her. When I confronted him, he said he and the woman were friends and that there was nothing going on between them.

I’ve spoken with him about it until I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. He “says” I’m still his “baby” but he doesn’t treat me like he used to at all. I really love this man. I know he has the capability to be a good man, but I am just not sure what has caused this change in his attitude toward me. What should I do?

Signed, Confused in Camp Springs


We said...


Dear Confused in Camp Springs,

You, indeed, are in a precarious position. Your man started out treating you as a Queen B. and now treats you like a Booty C. (call) and you don't understand why. Let us provide you with some understanding. First of all, you can never judge a man (or woman) by how they act in the first few months. It takes many months, sometimes more than a year, to see who someone really is. The beginning months of a relationship are merely a performance. Over time, when the curtain comes down and the audience goes home, that’s when you see who you’re really dealing with. When his show was over, he showed you his ass. That’s the man you’re really involved with. Get it through your head, that Prince Charming you remembered is history.

Second, if you know that he has been writing to another woman and implying that he loves her, you have another problem altogether. Even if he didn’t cheat with her physically (which we seriously doubt), he is definitely engaged in emotional cheating which would explain the distance that he’s putting between the two of you.

Get off the short bus, honey! It’s time to show “Mr. Fix It” the door and let the doorknob hit him the ass on the way out. You deserve to be more than some man’s booty call. You deserve to be with a man who saves all of his loving for you—emotional and physical. Mr. Right is just around your corner. If you keep wasting your time on this fool, you might miss him.

Rissey and Nisey

If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at RisseyandNisey@klbradywrites.com.

Is There Ever A Good Reason To Cheat?

Nisey: Well, after the last discussion got a bit out of control. Rissey and I have decided to take over the moderating responsibilities for the group. No diss to K.L. but she’s still welcome to listen in. So, today we have with us Kevin, David, and Lamar and we’re going to continue our discussions on relationships.

Rissey: That’s right! So now, let’s get back to brass tacks--whether there is ever a good reason to cheat on your spouse. I think we can all agree that cheating is wrong and anyone can justify anything in their minds. But if we really get down to the reasons that people aren’t happy in their relationships and feel the need to seek consolation outside of their relationship, some of those reasons for being unhappy are valid even though the act of cheating may not be. So, let’s talk about being unhappy and the ways in which we deal with those issues.

Lamar: Well, I’m going to speak up for the fellas and bring up the topic that we aren’t supposed to bring up and that is the topic of the old Switch-A-Roo. You know, we get engaged to one woman and we find out later on that she isn’t the person she led us to believe she is. Before we get married, she cooks. After we get married, microwaved dinners. Before marriage, she works out, keeps herself tight and together. After marriage, she lets it all go. What gym? What diet? Gimme that gallon of Ben Jerry’s and a spoon please? Before marriage sex flows like the Nile River, after marriage it drips like a leaky faucet.

Nisey: You know what? I have the right mind to—

Rissey: No, no, Nisey, let him finish. He has a right to his…opinion. Let him finish.

Lamar: As I was saying, after marriage or after we’re in a committed relationship, y’all just stop everything that makes us happy. So, we end up looking for the woman we thought we got into the relationship outside the house because she damn sure ain’t in the house, if you dig me.
Kevin: Ummmmm…David, what do you think?

David: I, uhhhh, I think that I’d like to hear what the women think.

Nisey: Don’t be scared now. I saw you over there nodding your head, David. Like you agreed with everything he said. You too Kevin. Don’t be scared now. Nuh uhh…

Rissey: I am just overwhelmed…overwhelmedwith disbelief. I mean, talk about the pot calling the kettle black??? Let’s start the discussion right there, with pots…that means POT BELLIES, from all the beer and good cookin’ you get so used to. Uh huh, before we get married we trip the light fantastic. After marriage, we trip over your feet which are firmly attached to the floor in front of the couch. If we set the couch on fire, you’d ask us to bring you a beer so you could drink half and use the other half to put the flame out, never releasing the remote control, like a damn Houdini.

Nisey: Can I get an Amen?! And how about all the little things that become non-existent? Before marriage, we got big beautiful bouquets of flowers. After marriage, the only “flower” we see comes from Pillsbury. Before marriage, if we asked you to do something around the house, you had it done before we could finish the sentence. After marriage if we ask you to do something, you do it after we finish the sentence—and repeat it 75 times. As for the sex, if it lasted longer than a drip maybe we’d be more inclined to let it flow.

Kevin: Okay, okay, let’s all calm down a minute. Obviously, we can see that there are issues on both sides, very valid issues, I might add. But the one thing we haven’t really discussed here is communication. When you feel like you’re not getting what you need, it’s time to let your partner know…but it’s really all about how you say it. If you come at him or her the wrong way, blaming the other person and not taking any responsibility, then that’s what leads folks to start looking elsewhere.

Rissey: That is a very important point Kevin. My man! Gimme a high five on that, baby.
David: True, true. Communication is the key. I think that would make a great topic for our next discussion. How do you sit down in a positive way and tell your partner something negative, like you aren’t happy with your sex life or she needs to lose weight.

Nisey: Oh, so you think I need to lose weight and the sex ain’t no good.

David: I wasn’t talking about you, baby. I was speaking figuratively.

Nisey: Well, maybe you need to “figure” out how your ass is getting home because you ain’t ridin’ with me.

Rissey: She just had a baby, David. Hormones. She’ll be alright.

David: I love you, boo.

Nisey: Ummmhmmmm. Anyway.

Kevin: Okay, so let’s make out next discussion about effective communication. Until next time…

Spying on Your Significant Other

Moderator: Okay, we’re back! And we’re discussing a pretty hot relationship topic. Is it ever okay to spy on your significant other or spouse. Today, I’d like to let the men start the discussion. In addition to Lamar and Kevin, David, Nisey’s man, has graciously agreed to join us for this discussion. So fellas, how do you feel about spying? Is there ever a good reason to do it in a relationship?

Lamar: Okay, I want to start because I have personal experience with this issue. Don’t I, Charisse? I say that women are free to spy on their man, but just don’t get mad at me when you find what you’re looking for.

Nisey: Oh NO you DIDN’T.

Lamar: What?

Nisey: How about you men stop running around doing shit you ain’t got no business doing? If you’re so unhappy that you feel like you need to run around and screw somebody else, why not just break up with your girlfriend? That would be better than sneaking around behind somebody’s back. Catching diseases and bringing that shit home to somebody that loves you. What the hell is that?

Lamar: Listen, I get where you’re coming from, Denise. I’m the last person to sit here and say you’re wrong. I just feel like women don’t spy because they’re trying to a reason to leave you, because most of the time they don’t. They spy to find something to blackmail you with. Hold it over your head. Use it to get what they want when they want it. They use it to control men. That’s what they do.

Nisey: And?

Kevin: Well, I say what kind of relationship can you really have if you don’t trust each other. That goes for both sides. If you don’t trust each other, you can’t be happy. And if you’re not happy, then why would you want to be with that person anyway? It’s a waste of time and energy.

Charisse: I agree with Kevin. As a reformed spy, I know that I wasted a lot of energy and time checking behind men I thought were playing around. But I think Lamar is wrong. I don’t think women spy because they are looking for blackmail material. I think a lot of women spy because we are hoping beyond hope that we don’t find anything. We want to feel stupid for looking for something that wasn’t there. We want to settle our thoughts down so we can get back to loving.

David: Well, I think a key issue here is truth. Whatever y’all say, I don’t know any man who would just come out and tell his girlfriend the truth about cheating or finding interest in another woman, right? So, how is a woman supposed to find out who she’s really dealing with if she doesn’t spy?

Nisey: See? That’s right, boo. Tell ‘em!

David: But I also say that if she has enough reason to be suspicious, she’s probably right. So, why waste your time. Kick ‘em to the curb and keep it movin’.

Lamar: True that.

Charisse: Ummmhmmmm, that easy to say. Why is that when we try to leave, y’all start begging us not to go? That’s what I want to know. If you’re screwing around, go on to the heifer you’re cheating with and let us go. But y’all ain’t going to do that because you don’t want no body else gettin’ in our asses, that’s why. Men are inherently selfish, and women are inherently nurturers. This allows men to play on our emotions and get away with a lot of stuff, including cheating.

Kevin: Oh no YOU didn’t.

Charisse: I didn’t mean you, baby. You know you my boo.

Kevin: Ummmhmmmm.

David to Moderator: When do you jump in? When there’s bloodshed?

Moderator: I’m sorry. I was so engaged in the discussion I forgot to moderate. So, let’s see where we are. I think we generally agree that spying is a waste of time.

Everyone: Right, right.

Moderator: And if I’m understanding everyone correctly, if you have enough reason to be suspicious, you probably have enough reason to leave.

Nisey: That sounds about right to me.

Lamar: Yeah, I would agree with that.

Moderator: Okay, this was a fantastic start to our hot discussion series. Since I think we need to keep it hot, the next topic will be: Is there ever a good reason to cheat on your spouse or significant other?

Nisey: You better have the police standing by for this discussion. Somebody’s gonna get hurt up in here.

Rissey: I know THAT's right.