Wednesday, July 27, 2011

She Said, We Said--Fell in Love with My BFF

She Said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

Recently I mustered enough courage to tell my best friend of 6 yrs that I love him, and he basically said he doesn't feel the same. Every since I feel like he's tromping all over my feelings. He told me that he told a mutual friend of ours, who's interested in me, that I like him. I did say once I found our friend attractive but why tell that, especially so soon after I poured my heart out to him? He also tries to make me think he's in need by saying "Oh I'm so cold... it's so cold here", as if I'm suppose to say "oh let me keep you warm".

He use to, I guess jokingly, say to me "I love you, do you love me?" or "Why do you love me?" Well he's started that up again. Why? Why use such sensitive phrases and questions like that right now? Is that funny to him? And he keeps telling me how he's exchanging flirty banter over fb with a mutual girlfriend of ours, and how another one of our friends is helping fill her head to his advantage. Both of these girls I have to interact with as we live in the same state, and he doesn't. He's basically saying this girl he likes could become my replacement.

Before I professed my feelings I had cut him off for a bit because he was pursuing a girl just like me, but had never attempted to pursue me. When we finally spoke again, he said he didn't want to lose me as a friend, and that maybe one day he would see me as more.

Now, he's hinting at me possibly being replaced? What's going on? Why is he trying to hurt me like this? What did I do to deserve such cruel treatment?


I've got the Best Friend Blues.

We Said...

Dear Best Friend Blues,

Ahhhh, unrequited love, and with a best friend no less. We've been there done that more times than we care to recall. The line between love and friendship is a thin and often confusing one, especially if you're looking at your situation with your heart and not your head. If we've said it once, we'll say it again: If he wanted you to be his girlfriend, he would've asked you to be his girlfriend. Simple as that. Men aren't mysterious creatures. If they want something they know how to pursue it. Seems your friend has told you not only in plain English, but in the way that he treats you, that he doesn't want to be your man. So there is only one thing left for you to do--believe him! He means it. He doesn't just mean it, he really really means it. Let us make this clear--he's not replacing you. You never had a place in his heart to begin with so you can't be replaced.

Don't be confused by any mixed signals he may have sent after you shared your feelings. His playing with your head is a sign of his immaturity, not hope! It's not that he doesn't care, he just doesn't care to get in your pants--the one clear thing that separates girlfriends from best friends. His line is clear as day, it's only yours that's a little murky.

Get off the love short bus, honey! Move on! From now on, if you want to know if a man really wants to be with you, then let HIM pursue YOU. Don't ever make the first move. Then you will never have any doubts, and you can avoid putting your feelings out there to be tromped on. We think you need to make a clean break of this relationship, not for him, but for yourself. Give yourself some time to let your heart heal. Focus on yourself and activities that you love to do, become happy within yourself, and the right guy will be drawn to you like flies to a dead bunny. Then you'll know he was meant for you!

If you have any relationship issues you'd like the solutions to, please write us at

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