The Short Bus Special #2: She Said, We Said

Hello Readers! We have another Short Bus Special from a sister heartbroken by Mr. Fix It.

She said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

I’ve been dating a man for the last year. In the beginning, he was sweet, generous, and took great care of me. He’s a maintenance engineer, so he fixed everything that was broken in my house. He’d stop by to spend time with me every chance he got and spend time with me and my son. And he even took me as his date to his brother’s wedding, where I overwhelmingly received his family’s stamp of approval.

After six months, things changed A LOT. He doesn’t really help me around the house anymore. He doesn’t come over during the day. Rather, he usually comes late at night. We have sex, and he leaves the next morning. He no longer spends time with me on weekends. His calls are less frequent too. To top it off, I looked in his email account one day and found letters that he was writing to another woman and he implied that he loved her. When I confronted him, he said he and the woman were friends and that there was nothing going on between them.

I’ve spoken with him about it until I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. He “says” I’m still his “baby” but he doesn’t treat me like he used to at all. I really love this man. I know he has the capability to be a good man, but I am just not sure what has caused this change in his attitude toward me. What should I do?

Signed, Confused in Camp Springs


We said...


Dear Confused in Camp Springs,

You, indeed, are in a precarious position. Your man started out treating you as a Queen B. and now treats you like a Booty C. (call) and you don't understand why. Let us provide you with some understanding. First of all, you can never judge a man (or woman) by how they act in the first few months. It takes many months, sometimes more than a year, to see who someone really is. The beginning months of a relationship are merely a performance. Over time, when the curtain comes down and the audience goes home, that’s when you see who you’re really dealing with. When his show was over, he showed you his ass. That’s the man you’re really involved with. Get it through your head, that Prince Charming you remembered is history.

Second, if you know that he has been writing to another woman and implying that he loves her, you have another problem altogether. Even if he didn’t cheat with her physically (which we seriously doubt), he is definitely engaged in emotional cheating which would explain the distance that he’s putting between the two of you.

Get off the short bus, honey! It’s time to show “Mr. Fix It” the door and let the doorknob hit him the ass on the way out. You deserve to be more than some man’s booty call. You deserve to be with a man who saves all of his loving for you—emotional and physical. Mr. Right is just around your corner. If you keep wasting your time on this fool, you might miss him.

Rissey and Nisey

If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at RisseyandNisey@klbradywrites.com.

The Short Bus Special: She Said, We Said

Let’s face, we all (men and women) do stupid things in relationships. Sometimes, we fail to heed the danger signs, we fail to listen to that little voice in our heads that screams “Stooooop! Don’t do that! Run! Leave!” I’m no stranger to that situation and neither is Nisey. So, we’ve decided to start our own advice column. We’ve received concerning letters from some of our wonderful readers in need of some relationship help. With their permission, Nisey and I thought it would be a great idea to share some of these letters with our audience and provide some down home sister-to-sister advice. From time to time we will post these letters under our new feature “Get Off the Short Bus Special.”

Here’s our first letter from a troubled sister with a commitment-phobic boyfriend…

She said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

My boyfriend and I have been living together for three and a half years. Although we’ve discussed marriage, for some reason he refuses to commit. He claims he’s happy with our life together and that he doesn’t want to be with anyone but me. He pays the bills and takes care of home and does everything a good man should do. He just refuses to get married, saying he feels we need more time to get to know one another. Every time I bring up the subject, he either gets frisky to distract me or gets angry and runs out of the house. I think three years is plenty of time to know whether someone is worth marrying.

One of my friends says I should leave him and another one says I should stop taking my birth control and that a baby will make him come around. I don’t know what to do. Am I on the short bus? If so, how can I get off?

Signed,

He’s Smitten but not Committin’

We said...

Dear Smitten’ but not Committin’

Although every relationship has its own timetable and no two are alike, I think you are right to feel concerned. Be assured that after living with this man for three years, he knows whether or not you’re marriage material. The fact that he distracts you or avoids the subject with sex or arguments does not bode well. Sounds like a bad case of “Why Buy the Cow….”

Get off the short bus, honey. Just because a man is good to you in some ways, doesn’t always mean he’s good for you. If you really feel that marriage is the kind of commitment you need, you aren’t going to find it with this man if you keep accepting the status quo. You need to leave him, short and simple. If he truly loves you and wants to spend his life with you, nothing in heaven or Earth could keep him from coming back to you and giving you the commitment that you need. If he doesn’t, c’est la vie! Move on and be thankful that you saved yourself from wasting another minute of your life with someone who was never going to give you what you needed. Lick your wounds and open your heart to receive the love you deserve.

Rissey and Nisey

If you have a problem you’d like us to handle. Leave us a comment or email us at RisseyandNisey@klbradywrites.com.

Is There Ever A Good Reason To Cheat?

Nisey: Well, after the last discussion got a bit out of control. Rissey and I have decided to take over the moderating responsibilities for the group. No diss to K.L. but she’s still welcome to listen in. So, today we have with us Kevin, David, and Lamar and we’re going to continue our discussions on relationships.

Rissey: That’s right! So now, let’s get back to brass tacks--whether there is ever a good reason to cheat on your spouse. I think we can all agree that cheating is wrong and anyone can justify anything in their minds. But if we really get down to the reasons that people aren’t happy in their relationships and feel the need to seek consolation outside of their relationship, some of those reasons for being unhappy are valid even though the act of cheating may not be. So, let’s talk about being unhappy and the ways in which we deal with those issues.

Lamar: Well, I’m going to speak up for the fellas and bring up the topic that we aren’t supposed to bring up and that is the topic of the old Switch-A-Roo. You know, we get engaged to one woman and we find out later on that she isn’t the person she led us to believe she is. Before we get married, she cooks. After we get married, microwaved dinners. Before marriage, she works out, keeps herself tight and together. After marriage, she lets it all go. What gym? What diet? Gimme that gallon of Ben Jerry’s and a spoon please? Before marriage sex flows like the Nile River, after marriage it drips like a leaky faucet.

Nisey: You know what? I have the right mind to—

Rissey: No, no, Nisey, let him finish. He has a right to his…opinion. Let him finish.

Lamar: As I was saying, after marriage or after we’re in a committed relationship, y’all just stop everything that makes us happy. So, we end up looking for the woman we thought we got into the relationship outside the house because she damn sure ain’t in the house, if you dig me.
Kevin: Ummmmm…David, what do you think?

David: I, uhhhh, I think that I’d like to hear what the women think.

Nisey: Don’t be scared now. I saw you over there nodding your head, David. Like you agreed with everything he said. You too Kevin. Don’t be scared now. Nuh uhh…

Rissey: I am just overwhelmed…overwhelmedwith disbelief. I mean, talk about the pot calling the kettle black??? Let’s start the discussion right there, with pots…that means POT BELLIES, from all the beer and good cookin’ you get so used to. Uh huh, before we get married we trip the light fantastic. After marriage, we trip over your feet which are firmly attached to the floor in front of the couch. If we set the couch on fire, you’d ask us to bring you a beer so you could drink half and use the other half to put the flame out, never releasing the remote control, like a damn Houdini.

Nisey: Can I get an Amen?! And how about all the little things that become non-existent? Before marriage, we got big beautiful bouquets of flowers. After marriage, the only “flower” we see comes from Pillsbury. Before marriage, if we asked you to do something around the house, you had it done before we could finish the sentence. After marriage if we ask you to do something, you do it after we finish the sentence—and repeat it 75 times. As for the sex, if it lasted longer than a drip maybe we’d be more inclined to let it flow.

Kevin: Okay, okay, let’s all calm down a minute. Obviously, we can see that there are issues on both sides, very valid issues, I might add. But the one thing we haven’t really discussed here is communication. When you feel like you’re not getting what you need, it’s time to let your partner know…but it’s really all about how you say it. If you come at him or her the wrong way, blaming the other person and not taking any responsibility, then that’s what leads folks to start looking elsewhere.

Rissey: That is a very important point Kevin. My man! Gimme a high five on that, baby.
David: True, true. Communication is the key. I think that would make a great topic for our next discussion. How do you sit down in a positive way and tell your partner something negative, like you aren’t happy with your sex life or she needs to lose weight.

Nisey: Oh, so you think I need to lose weight and the sex ain’t no good.

David: I wasn’t talking about you, baby. I was speaking figuratively.

Nisey: Well, maybe you need to “figure” out how your ass is getting home because you ain’t ridin’ with me.

Rissey: She just had a baby, David. Hormones. She’ll be alright.

David: I love you, boo.

Nisey: Ummmhmmmm. Anyway.

Kevin: Okay, so let’s make out next discussion about effective communication. Until next time…