Wednesday, September 7, 2011

She Said, We Said - Abused and Confused

She Said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

Long story short, in 2007, I went out with a guy for 6 months and I was terrified for my life. I was beaten up almost every week and was told I was ugly, etc. Since then I have not been in another relationship but guys have shown their interest in me, and I turned them down because I'm scared. I'm now 22, please help me. I've also seen a psychologist to try and help but idk what else to do.


Abused and Confused

We Said...

Dear Abused and Confused,

Honey, why on God's green earth are you trying to rush into another relationship? The fact is, you shouldn't even be thinking about a relationship, rather you should be working on yourself to determine what inner issues you have that led you to get into a relationship with a guy who abused you. Until you resolve those issues, until you have forgiven him and yourself, until you've regained trust in your own instincts and gained confidence in yourself and your ability to choose the right people, until you have a life that does not revolve around whether or not you have a boyfriend, the LAST thing you need to do is get into a relationship with another person toting all this baggage.

We don't understand why it has become so taboo to take some time for yourself. We're not gonna lie, at your age we were idiots. Absolute idiots. If we had taken half the energy that we used to try and find a man to accomplish my own goals, we would be so much further ahead today than we are. Do you have a passion in life? Are you in school? Do you have other interests? Do you have a job? These are the things that you should be worried about right now. Don't try and find a man. Take a class. Go to church. Focus on getting your next promotion at work, or finding a new job that allows you to use the gifts God gave you.

This is the time to pour your energy into becoming a better you. You will find that when you focus your attention on yourself and you feel good about who you are, you won't have to try and find the right guy because he will find you. And you'll know he's a good person by how he treats. He won't seek to control you. He won't put you down. He'll honor and respect you. He will enhance your life, not try to run your life.

Get off the love short bus, honey! Until you understand your inner issues that allowed you to attract the abusive guy and keep him in your life, then, we can promise you one thing, you will continue to attract the same kind of abusive relationships over and over and over again. Period. You can't erase your past, but you can learn from it and move on.

Move onward and upward!

If anyone else has relationship issues you'd like us to address, please send your email to

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