Sunday, September 18, 2011

Teen Said, We Said: He's Not Too Old for Me!

This is our first advice to a teenager. We're going to make this a new feature as letters become available.

Teen Said . . .

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

I started dating a senior recently. I'm 14....he will be 18 in December. We used to talk like friends but then he asked me out and said he broke up with his previous senior girlfriend for whenever I tell someone they think it's so weird for a freshman to date a senior. So can u tell me what so wrong??!! And I'm pretty sure he doesn't want sex considering the fact he's 6hrs away....and he doesn't want anyone to know but us two....which I agreed because I feel the same. But we [agreed that we] can tell close friends and when I did they gave me a weird please tell me what's so wrong about it??


He's Not to Old for Me

We Said . . .

Dear He's Not too Old,

Four years age difference isn't a lot in adult years but in the world of teens it makes more of a difference than you'll ever realize. It's partially about age, but it's more about maturity level. You are just beginning to understand boys and relationships and he's moving into adulthood, where he's not only going to explore mature relationships, he's moving onto the next phase of his life--work or college. And if he's not, you don't need to be bothered with that joker anyway.I would also like to add that in many (dare I say most) states, he can go to jail for engaging in sexual activity with a minor (statutory rape). So, your parents aren't the only ones who will oppose this match--the law agrees. This is likely the reason he wants to keep it a secret.

Understand that right now your body is surging with hormones and you probably won't think rationally until you turn forty. This is a fact to which we can personally attest. Everything is so urgent and you're so full of passion at 14. You want to be loved and adored--a boyfriend (not a man friend). And then who enters your life but this almost 18 year old guy giving you all the attention you think you want and need.

Think about this for a moment though. When he graduates and hopefully goes to college, what do you think will happen when he meets college girls and starts to party? Gets engrossed in his school work? Your relationship with all this fire and desire will end as fast as it started--he'll move on. You'll be brokenhearted and fall in love with another guy a week later (maybe two). This is just growing up and the way life is supposed to be.

Get off the love short bus, sweetie! Date people closer to your age. The closer they are to your age the more likely it is you'll be experiencing the same phases of your lives together. One person won't be way further ahead of the other. After you turn 18, you can date whomever you choose. For now, it's best to leave this guy alone and realize it's not the end of the world. Your life is just beginning. You've got a long way to go.

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