Monday, September 19, 2011

Top Secret--For Men Only: Top 5 Ways to Unfairly Win an Fight with Your Mate

Fellas, I'm gonna take a hit for this one, but--unlike Fox News--I'm fair and balanced. I pride myself on it.

If you ask most people how to win a fight with a woman, most women will simply say, "You can't." Women have so much trickery in their emotional toolboxes that when you defeat one tactic, she's got five more she can launch at any given moment. Most of the time, when men argue with women, the attempt to win only leads to anger, frustration, and ultimately defeat.

Well, I'm here to tell you that if you pull your balls out of your back pocket and heed my Top 5 tips for winning unfairly, your time to bask in the glow of sweet victory is just one good argument away.

1. Stand your ground, no matter how wrong you are. Don't waver for one iota of a second. And most importantly, don't be swayed by tears. Nothing frustrates a woman more than a man who won't bend to her will. We hire hit men for men like this. The longer you stand your ground, the more likely we are to fold in frustration and give you the silent treatment--and if she shuts up, you win, right? I would suggest you use a little caution with this method. Sleep with one eye open...and feed any food she cooks to the dog first...just in case.

2. Don't engage. Listen, an argument can only escalate if both parties feed into it. Otherwise, it's just one person having a psycho rant. If you don't want to argue, just say, "you win!" and walk away to fight another day. This will piss her off because she wants to EARN the title of winner, she doesn't want you to give it to her. She wants to outwit you and out talk you. Without a fight, she can't win. Plain and simple.

3. Abandon Logic. Fellas, fellas, fellas. Why do you try to use reason to argue with arguably some of the most emotional and irrational creatures on planet earth? You try to state facts to prove your case as if you're in a court of law, when reason doesn't carry any weight whatsoever in the court of girlfriend. Plain and simple fact. If she takes the subject off track, then you do the same. If she talks in circles, you talk in circles. She knows crazy when she hears it, she invented crazy. So, dishing crazy back to her will definitely make her take a moment's pause and frustrate her to the point where she gives up the fight.

4. Interrupt her...constantly. Stay stupid stuff. Laugh. Ooooh. Just thinking about it ticks me off, but it's effective. Nothing frustrates a woman more than her inability to share her complete thoughts. That frustration usually will end up in her giving up and giving you the silent treatment. You're argument won't be finished by a long shot but it will give you time to formulate a solid rebuttal when it's time to fight again.

5. Compare her to an ex-girlfriend or worse--her mother. Okay, if you want to know the negative effects of this tactic please see the last two sentences in Tip #1. You may not live to fight another day. Don't say I didn't warn you. But nothing will shut a woman down faster than tapping into her insecurities and comparing her to your past woman or the one woman she's sworn she'll never be like--her mother. We all want to think we're unique, special, and the only one you think about. Telling us we're like anyone--with the exception of maybe Oprah--will definitely throw her off guard so you can win the fight.

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