Oh...she's in there. You know she is. You love her. Sometimes you're afraid of her. Nearly all the time, you respect her. She doesn't listen to or tolerate BS from anybody. She thinks what you're too afraid to think, says what you're too shy to say, and does the things you couldn't fathom doing on your bravest day. She's courageous, daring, and...free. And she doesn't give a damn about what others think of her. And she's always bags the best men!
As women, we're almost bred to be nurturers, accommodating...ladylike. We don't yell, curse, or God forbid, say what we're really thinking. It's against the rules. We suck it up and keep it moving because we've got places to go and people depending on us to take care of them. We're always supposed to be thoughtful and considerate of other people's feelings, even at the expense of our well-being...and often, our sanity.
She's sitting inside. Watching it all. Seething. Struggling to get from under this docile heifer and make her thoughts known and voice heard. She rarely rears her head and usually must be provoked. Like that time when she spent the day cooking a three-course meal and he showed up two hours late because he was hanging out with his boys. When he arrived at the door, she stuck her head out the window and told him to check the lost and found because that where his mind must be if he thought he was getting inside her house or between her legs THAT day!
We love her, don't we? Always the perfect snappy retort at the right time.
Who is this divinely bold, brash, and confident woman?
She's your inner b*tch. That's who she is. She dwells deep within all of us but most of the time we're to afraid to let her do her thing. Why? Being a b*tch ain't easy...and usually comes with consequences. The uncontrolled, ruthless bitch can make for nasty outcomes. Hurt feelings. Lost friendships. Angry responses. Break-ups. Yanked hair weaves. Broken bones.
So why should we release this hurricane of emotion? Because she's the most honest part of souls. She lays it on the line. When she speaks, everyone listens. And at the core of every word she speaks is our most organic truth. It's this degree of truth that frees us from pain, unhappiness, our own unrealistic expectations, other people's expectations for what we should do, say, or how we should behave. She gives us room to breathe and be who we really are.
Damn she's fierce.
So what can we do to embrace her?
1. Take a trip and and let her rip. One reason we don't release our inner b*tch is because we're afraid of what the people we know and love might think. So, don't release her around them. Go some place where nobody knows your name. Feel her. Talk her. Dress her. Be her. If people embrace this part of your truth, you'll feel less apprehensive about allowing her to emerge around those you love. And if she's hated, go home and relish in the memory.
2. Find her funny. You ever notice how comedians can say anything mean or snarky...as long as it's humorous and makes people laugh. Camouflage your inner b*tch with some humor and most people will welcome her with open arms.
3. Journal her. Not ready to speak her truth? Write it. What more freedom to release this fierce woman into your world than to place her on the pages of a book. You don't have to show anybody or you can publish her later and show everybody. The most important point is that you release her from the prison of your inner lady and let her be who she is.
4. Speak her. Sometimes, you just need to let her have her way if you have justification to do so. Control her. Don't get carried away. But there's nothing more liberating than saying exactly what you want to say. At the end of the day, people aren't glass and your words won't break. Don't be spiteful, hurtful, or ruthless...but don't be afraid to be honest. Everyone around you will survive. More importantly, they'll get over it!