Wednesday, August 10, 2011

He Said, We Said - Ho to a Housewife?

He Said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

I've been married 6 years and have 3 beautiful children. My wife continues to go out to bars til 3 in the morning and I hear later how she was dancing on the bar and on poles and what not. I do Love her to death, but can not continue to go through this. We have talked on counseling but she will not go through with it. Now lately I have stooped to her level (knowing its not right) but started going out as well. But of course if I do it and don't come home til 3 or 4 I'm a bad father. I've only done it twice but already feel that 2 wrongs don't make a right. Its starting to affect my kids now, and I'm considering leaving and getting shared custody. Am I wrong for not wanting my kids brought up in that kind of environment. I believe our kids deserve a better life and should not have to go through this. Seriously need advise from those that have been through it. Thanks in advance to all that input!


Partied Out

We Said...

Dear Partied Out,

We certainly feel your pain, but something tells us this partying didn't just begin overnight. She was probably partying when you met her, dropping shots like jelly beans, getting her groove on in the club and you thought that was sexy to death. And, oh yes Lord, when she hiked her leg up and wrapped it around that same pole you now scorn, your eyes glazed over with lust as you said to yourself, "Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. That's my future ex-wife!" You knew what you were getting into when you married her, you were probably just hoping a husband and three kids would be enough to tame her. And you were wrong.

Get off the love short bus, honey. YOU can't turn a ho into a housewife. She still believes shaking her ass is still more important to her than shaking these party girl habits and she's not going to change until she's ready. Moreover, your partying will only compound an already bad situation. We don't blame you of course, but you're going to have to be the grown up for your kids' sake.

With that said, you're right about one thing--no woman, not even their mother, comes before the well-being of your kids. Her behavior is bad enough, but you guys are probably fighting like cats and dogs which without question will have a longer-term effect on their emotional health. While you might have the urge to start issuing ultimatums, we don't suggest you do that because she will just resent you for making her change her lifestyle. Just explain to her that you're not threatening her with divorce, but you think her behavior is detrimental to the kids and let her know that she has a choice to make: separate and get her own place until she gets the partying out of her system or stay and respect her family. Allow her to choose her course freely and without any pressure from you. Say what you have to say and don't argue, don't fuss. Just make it clear that the status quo is absolutely unacceptable for the sake of the children. You chose her. She chooses to party. But your children had no choice in this matter...and they deserve better, don't you think? Let's just hope their mother does too.

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