Wednesday, August 17, 2011

She Said, We Said - Wife on the Edge

She Said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

My husband and I have been married 3 years. I really feel like he is cheating on me but I dropped it because I didn't want to lose him if he wasn't. But I have heard that he was cheating on me from someone else. He only goes to work and the gym. Could it really be true? Yesterday was my birthday and first he forgot. Also he bought me a 70 dollar gift which my mom gave him 50 for. So, basically he spent 20 dollars on me. I know it is not about the money but still . I do everything for him and he doesn't appreciate me. I really want it to work with us but it is so hard, and he fights with me all the time and puts me in a bad mood saying I do it to myself. I feel that if he loved me he would show it . I wouldn't have to beg him everyday. Maybe I'm wrong. I know this is a lot but I am just frustrated and taking out my anger :). So please don't be mean. Just advise please. I'm lost and feel used.


Wife on the Edge

We Said...

Dear Wife on the Edge,

We don't want to be mean but we've got to be honest, so let's do a recap. You believe he's cheating (and you're probably absolutely right). He doesn't appreciate you, doesn't remember your birthday and goes cheap-ass on your gift. He fights with you all the time (probably to help maintain the emotional distance so he can continue his affair). You have to beg him for love and affection, which he still doesn't give to you (because he's probably giving it to someone else). You feel lost and you feel used by the man who is supposed hold you above all others. Hmmm. We can see why you're holding so tightly to this relationship...not!

He may or may not be cheating--probably is--but that's the least of your concerns at this point. You have bigger issues to deal with because three things here are very clear: You're unhappy. He knows you're unhappy. And he doesn't care to try and fix your relationship to make things better.

You have to ask yourself why you are clinging to someone who doesn't give a damn about your happiness. And because you're clinging so desperately to this shell of a relationship, he doesn't feel as if he has to make any effort because no matter how much he hurts you or neglects, you're not going to hold him accountable and you're not going to leave. Is that the life you want to live?

Get off the love short bus, honey. Time to stand up for yourself. First of all you need to find out why you don't value yourself more than you value a man who treats you like crap? Until you understand and embrace your self-worth, you will settle for crappy treatment and you will be miserable no matter who you're with.

After you come to the realization that you are worthy of a happy relationship with a good man, lay down the law and let him know the status quo isn't acceptable. You deserve more from your relationship and from your husband than the second-class, stepchild treatment he's giving you right now. And if you don't demand it for yourself, who will? Let him know you refuse to live in the current state anymore and his choice is to work on the relationship or you're going to let him go and find someone worthy of the love you have to give. And when you say this, you have to actually mean it! Don't even bother saying a word if you're not going to back it up. It's better to lose a bad husband than lose yourself.

If you have any relationship issues you'd like us to address, please drop a line to Rissey & Nisey at

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