He Said, We Said: Man-Ho to Do-Right Man?

He Said...

Dear Rissey and Nisey,

After 4 years together and cheating and lying to her, I want to change and be the man she needs and deserves. We are going to counseling but I just want to know what to do until things change?

We have been together since 2006, and, yeah, I have cheated on her with about 4 women and I don't really know why I did it. One girl I kept around because she was easy and came over when I wanted to get laid. When my girlfriend wasn't around, or at work or school, the girl was there. I love her and want to be with her forever because she is a wonderful person but whenever we fight she brings up every wrong I have done and I get angry because it is the past. How do i handle that?

Signed


Want to be a Do Right Man

We Said...

Dear Do Right Man,

Well, well, well, this is a first for us. A man who admits his wrongs and wants to do right by the woman he loves. We commend you for your desire and effort to try and make things right and be the man your woman deserves. We're sorry that you're upset about your years of cheating and lying coming back to bite you in the ass. Really. Our hearts bleed for you. But our question to you is: What the hell did you expect???

And if you believe we feel sorry for you, I have some swamp...I mean vacation land in Florida you might be interested in purchasing.

Listen, you cheated for years, you're still in counseling, and you don't want to hear about your mistakes? You just thought she'd forgive and forget? Take this new man you've become at face value after you've been a lying, cheating bastard for YEARS. Really? Apparently, you don't know a thing about women, so let us school you. When it comes to infidelity, women are like elephants--WE NEVER FORGET. Face this fact: She may never get over the hurt and your relationship may be over no matter how hard you try to do right.

Get off the love short bus, honey...and get over yourself. You done wrong. Now when it's time to face the music, you don't like the tune. Well...if you don't like it, then FREE YOURSELF from this good woman and let her find someone who deserves her and who won't cheat on her. How about that? Let another man, love and adore her, give her what she needs in the boudoir. Let him be the man you should've been from the jump. Or you can shut your pie hole and let her work through her pain. Choice is yours.

With that said, we do have a few tips to get you through the short run.

1. Validate her feelings. Don't try to say you're different, the past is the past and end the subject. Tell her that you understand how much you hurt her, that you can't imagine the pain you caused her (because you can't) and you understand how wrong you were, and then ask her to allow you to be the man you want to be for her. Don't tell her the past is the past because while your player days may be over, the pain you cause is PRESENT and REAL.
   
2. You don't want her to bring up your past in arguments? Then don't argue! This is the time to let her win everything. You shouldn't be arguing. Suck it up and keep your mouth shut no matter how right you are.
   
3. Replace the bad memories with good ones. You're so busy trying to win what is probably a stupid argument in the first place that you are just adding to the bad memories she's already got. Stop it. Do nice things, exceptionally nice things constantly so that she can look at you in a positive light again. Right now, she doesn't see the man you're trying to be, just the lying cheating bastard who keeps arguing. If you change, she'll change how he perceives you.
4. If you have an ounce of religion, pray together. Kind of hard to be vicious to each other when you put God between you.

If you have relationship issues you'd like us to address, please drop us a line at SheSaid_WeSaid@authorklbrady.com.